My two new favorite phrases :-)

"Why is this my responsibility?" and "So, honey, what can I do to help?"

Weekend 1 of "risk acting like a jerk" went great. DH seems much happier, despite the eye-rolling every time I say "Why is this my responsibility?" or, "Why are you asking me? You're in charge of that." I thought I overdid things at one point, but then going back over the conversation in my head, the point where it went sour was - when I bit my toungue. When I finally said the thing I had thought was too harsh (but true), the conversation got back on track. It turned out I had misunderstood him. Gotta trust DH, gotta remember that I don't need to baby him.

I was very liberal about shirking any decision-making responsibilities related to the home. I did occasionally bring up things that were bothering me - like prepping for the maid this Thursday - but tried to focus on making sure that everyone knew it wasn't my responsibility. Nothing stinks as much as thinking someone else is handling a situation, only to find out that they had no clue and thought you were doing it. Plus this way, I'm not worried that someone will be disappointed in me - which makes it easier to say, "This is DH's responsibility. It's your work to relax so you can do well at your job."

Then after the kids went to bed, I didn't do any of the chores I care about. Instead, I asked DH to tell me what to do. From now on, he gets to figure out what is important. It's a difficult exercise in relaxation to look at a mess and say, "I shouldn't feel guilty about that. It's not my responsibility." All I'm responsible for is the small, precise tasks that Bjorn assigns me - and I refuse to take on "thinking" work, things like "Figure out what we should do."

I'm really looking forward to just doing what I'm told for a while. Every time I start thinking about something that isn't getting done at home, however, I need to carefully pull myself back and ask, "Why is this my responsibility?" Nine times out of ten, it isn't.

I can't do it all, and I'm not gonna try. If DH doesn't do things that needed to happen, I'm going to ask him how it's going to get done, so I don't have to worry about it. But the focus is on me not having to stress about it - getting the information I need to relax and trust that it will be taken care of eventually, before anything really bad happens. I will keeping asking questions and seeking answers until I can relax - and then I will stop, and trust DH.