Well, it certainly doesn't feel like I'm weaning the girls. While we are making progress (I think), it's mostly at bedtime - and they are nursing more at other times to make up for it, so they don't actually nurse less. The advantage is that bedtime is the hardest time to distract the girls from nursing, so if they quit nursing at bedtime I just need to focus on distracting them from nursing during the afternoon to go nursing-free. Now we are offering them a choice of pacifiers, or milk right before bed - seems to be working, although we'll have to wean from the pacifiers later.
I think once they are routinely skipping the bedtime nursing, I'll probably try to have them skip nursing all day one day a week, then two the next week, then three days, and so on until they are just nursing on weekends.
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Some neat things the girls have started doing:
Lenora is learning her colors. I thought she might be starting to grasp them about a month ago, so Bjorn and I have been working with her (and a little with Iliana, but she doesn't seem to get colors as well). She now recognizes purple easily, and requests purple items and orange items specifically. She is starting to get green, and yellow and will occasionally recognize red or blue correctly.
Iliana, on the other hand, is practicing another skill: Asking, "Why?" This one blind-sided me. I simply wasn't prepared to have to start justifying our rules to our children quite this early. The first time she clearly asked it, she wanted to know why she shouldn't go downstairs after her bath. I fumbled out something about how it was inconvenient to have her downstairs while we're upstairs and how we were busy trying to get pajamas and diapers on her. I needn't have bothered working at it so hard - she was more interested in getting any explanation at all. She looked so pleased with herself by the time I was done talking!
Lenora has started singing her "AFB's" - that is, the Alphabet Song, but a bit tuneless and with random letters that she likes alternating with F. "A, F, B, F, Y, F, A . . . " Iliana isn't as good, but does sing her "UBU's" - mostly just alternating between U and B, and with absolutely no tune at all.
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And the big anecdote . .. We were watching an episode of Full House from the season with the twin boys. In this episode, Jess has to punish his toddlers, and during their time-out they call him "mean Daddy." Ouch. I joke to Bjorn that if we're not careful, Lenora will pick up on that and start saying it. About two minutes later, she does just that - "Mean Daddy!" and laughs.
But it gets better . . . when I start encouraging her to say "Nice Daddy" instead, she first repeats herself for a bit - then starts saying "Nice Mommy". If she weren't a toddler, you'd think I'd have set this up ahead of time and bribed her.
And a little more . .. we finally get her to say "Nice Daddy," so in the interest of equal treatment (or something), she spontaneously decides to also throw in "Mommy bad."
Definitely a story worth writing down and saving for when she gets older.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Day 1 of mother-encouraged weaning
I just put my girls to bed without nursing for the first time in 3 or 4 months. Even though I came home 90 minutes before bed, and even though I was interacting closely with them most of that time, they still accepted my discouragement of nursing. First DH helped me distract them with dinner, and they accepted my refusal to nurse in exchange for extra cheese and frozen teething toys. Then when they started asking for milk again we moved to baths, and they were happy with that. Then stories and pajamas and one more story, and then Iliana climbed into bed without being asked - so I finished reading Lenora the story quickly, tucked them in, and started giving out kisses.
Finally Iliana realized she wanted milk and started to cry. We told her firmly but kindly that it was too late and we were going night-night, and then turned the light out and left. We know from experience that any attempts to calm and soothe this late in the bedtime routine usually backfire, as the other child gets upset and confused by the change. Iliana wasn't happy about it, but she didn't melt down either and quit complaining as soon as we left the room - and moved on to playing with her sister, rather cheerfully.
Lenora is actually still awake, almost an hour later, talking to herself quietly. They've been doing this at bedtime lately - playing, chatting, singing, and occasionally running around the room after we put them to bed and walk out. It's very cute, and the thing that really impresses me is that they will put themselves back to bed without any fuss when they get tired, with no help from us.
And now . . . silence. Wow.
Finally Iliana realized she wanted milk and started to cry. We told her firmly but kindly that it was too late and we were going night-night, and then turned the light out and left. We know from experience that any attempts to calm and soothe this late in the bedtime routine usually backfire, as the other child gets upset and confused by the change. Iliana wasn't happy about it, but she didn't melt down either and quit complaining as soon as we left the room - and moved on to playing with her sister, rather cheerfully.
Lenora is actually still awake, almost an hour later, talking to herself quietly. They've been doing this at bedtime lately - playing, chatting, singing, and occasionally running around the room after we put them to bed and walk out. It's very cute, and the thing that really impresses me is that they will put themselves back to bed without any fuss when they get tired, with no help from us.
And now . . . silence. Wow.
"Family-led" weaning
I had originally planned on getting as close to child-led weaning as a working mother possibly can. However, I gave that up before a year as night-wakings for nursing were hurting my abilty to work during the day. I opted to night-wean just after a year, after pump-weaning at 11.5 months. Since then, I have allowed my children to nurse roughly on-demand during the waking hours of the day when I am home.
Now I am finding that nursing so much is starting to chafe. Right now, almost all of my precious time with my children is spent nursing. I think complete but gradual weaning is the solution that will be the easiest on everybody, so I am moving to "mother-encouraged" weaning: Gentle weaning mainly accomplished through distractions that doesn't push the child very hard. I'm doing this now because the girls are in a less-clingy phase, and I suspect that if I don't wean in the next month or two then we'll be in a clingy phase again. Then I'll have to wait 3 or 4 months longer to have such an easy chance to wean again. I don't really want to nurse that much longer.
I've been nursing my twins now for 21 months, and think "extended" nursing should be considered normal and weaning before 14 months should be considered "early weaning". This isn't to say that there is anything wrong with weaning before 14 months - I do believe that there can be excellent reasons to wean early. However, I think that later weaning and child-led weaning should be more common and would love to see them normalized.
At the same time, I find the "all or nothing" attitude that some radical lactivists express towards weaning to be off-putting. I don't think child-led weaning is always the right decision for a family. I think of the style of weaning used in my family as "family-led" weaning: Every one gets to have their opinion heard, and the best choice for the entire family is selected. There is no pressure on Mom to keep nursing no matter what. The only pressure is to keep nursing as long as the reasons to continue outweigh the reasons to quit.
Now I am finding that nursing so much is starting to chafe. Right now, almost all of my precious time with my children is spent nursing. I think complete but gradual weaning is the solution that will be the easiest on everybody, so I am moving to "mother-encouraged" weaning: Gentle weaning mainly accomplished through distractions that doesn't push the child very hard. I'm doing this now because the girls are in a less-clingy phase, and I suspect that if I don't wean in the next month or two then we'll be in a clingy phase again. Then I'll have to wait 3 or 4 months longer to have such an easy chance to wean again. I don't really want to nurse that much longer.
I've been nursing my twins now for 21 months, and think "extended" nursing should be considered normal and weaning before 14 months should be considered "early weaning". This isn't to say that there is anything wrong with weaning before 14 months - I do believe that there can be excellent reasons to wean early. However, I think that later weaning and child-led weaning should be more common and would love to see them normalized.
At the same time, I find the "all or nothing" attitude that some radical lactivists express towards weaning to be off-putting. I don't think child-led weaning is always the right decision for a family. I think of the style of weaning used in my family as "family-led" weaning: Every one gets to have their opinion heard, and the best choice for the entire family is selected. There is no pressure on Mom to keep nursing no matter what. The only pressure is to keep nursing as long as the reasons to continue outweigh the reasons to quit.
Friday, January 11, 2008
What is this blog?
When I started this blog, I was planning on it being a way for me to explore my love of parenting and motherhood and share family news with others. Since then, I have changed a lot and I'm finding that more than just being a mom, I am specifically a Catholic reverse-traditional mother.
I am a mother who puts family first by being in the workplace full-time so my husband can be with the kids. I am a feminist who believes women are the equals of men and should be treated equally in the workplace. I am a devout Catholic wife who wants a large family and prays the Rosary (well, at least during Lent).
More challenging is that there aren't really many role models for reverse-traditional families. There are a few blogs, and there are some online groups for Dads. Support for the mothers is even more limited, probably because it's assumed that the transition from home to work is easier since moms have been doing this for decades. I've found, however, that the challenges of a reverse-traditional family are unique even for the woman. Since we've done traditional, two-income, and reverse-traditional family styles during the last two years, I think I should know.
So the nature of this blog is changing, and it will show up in the content. Eventually it will probably manifest in the title as well. Right now it's still just a personal blog, but I'm wanting to explore even more the challenges in our unique family style. Hopefully I can also share some of my family's love of technology, our car-free lifestyle, the Catholic faith, and (of course) an update on the wonder and challenges of our life with our beautiful twins.
I am a mother who puts family first by being in the workplace full-time so my husband can be with the kids. I am a feminist who believes women are the equals of men and should be treated equally in the workplace. I am a devout Catholic wife who wants a large family and prays the Rosary (well, at least during Lent).
More challenging is that there aren't really many role models for reverse-traditional families. There are a few blogs, and there are some online groups for Dads. Support for the mothers is even more limited, probably because it's assumed that the transition from home to work is easier since moms have been doing this for decades. I've found, however, that the challenges of a reverse-traditional family are unique even for the woman. Since we've done traditional, two-income, and reverse-traditional family styles during the last two years, I think I should know.
So the nature of this blog is changing, and it will show up in the content. Eventually it will probably manifest in the title as well. Right now it's still just a personal blog, but I'm wanting to explore even more the challenges in our unique family style. Hopefully I can also share some of my family's love of technology, our car-free lifestyle, the Catholic faith, and (of course) an update on the wonder and challenges of our life with our beautiful twins.
Where have I been this past year?
I started this blog back in January of last year, as attempt to give myself a place to journal and share family life. Since then, so much has happened and I just didn't keep up. Hrm, shall I tally the excuses?
Let's see, first there was the influx of Norovirus in mid-February, followed by everyone in the family getting sick every two weeks with a new bug for the next three months. Several minor visits to the emergency room. DH and I could barely balance our jobs and sick time, much less find time for blogs. Oh, and we also moved at the same time - we moved in to our new home at the end of March, and didn't finish the process until mid-May when our lease ended. Some point in there the girls learned to walk, turned one year, learned to climb stairs and much more.
By that point, the balance of two jobs and two kids was getting to be too much for me - so I told DH to set the date that he would give notice, or I would give notice. By the end of May, we were a reverse-traditional family, officially: A family with a SAHD (stay at home dad). The next few months were culture-shock for Dh and I. Life was easier overall, but there was a new source of friction in the family as responsibilities shifted. Keep in mind that only 6 months before DH quit, I had been staying at home while he supported the family.
Then we started into autumn, and I was nearing the end of my contract at work. My job would end November 30th, and I needed to find another job before then. I found it - a full time position at Microsoft testing Internet Explorer 8. The job search was time-consuming, and then I spent the holidays trying to balance ramping up in a new job that I love against family obligations.
And that's where I've been this past year.
Edited to add: Forgot to mention going car-free. Our car broke down back in April, and we borrowed cars for a couple months before finally realizing that we didn't need a car at all. We quit using cars (except Flexcar) back in August, and finally got around to donating our car in December.
Let's see, first there was the influx of Norovirus in mid-February, followed by everyone in the family getting sick every two weeks with a new bug for the next three months. Several minor visits to the emergency room. DH and I could barely balance our jobs and sick time, much less find time for blogs. Oh, and we also moved at the same time - we moved in to our new home at the end of March, and didn't finish the process until mid-May when our lease ended. Some point in there the girls learned to walk, turned one year, learned to climb stairs and much more.
By that point, the balance of two jobs and two kids was getting to be too much for me - so I told DH to set the date that he would give notice, or I would give notice. By the end of May, we were a reverse-traditional family, officially: A family with a SAHD (stay at home dad). The next few months were culture-shock for Dh and I. Life was easier overall, but there was a new source of friction in the family as responsibilities shifted. Keep in mind that only 6 months before DH quit, I had been staying at home while he supported the family.
Then we started into autumn, and I was nearing the end of my contract at work. My job would end November 30th, and I needed to find another job before then. I found it - a full time position at Microsoft testing Internet Explorer 8. The job search was time-consuming, and then I spent the holidays trying to balance ramping up in a new job that I love against family obligations.
And that's where I've been this past year.
Edited to add: Forgot to mention going car-free. Our car broke down back in April, and we borrowed cars for a couple months before finally realizing that we didn't need a car at all. We quit using cars (except Flexcar) back in August, and finally got around to donating our car in December.
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