In toddler news . . .

Lenora likes liver (and Iliana doesn't). Lenora also can sing her entire ABC's, although she sometimes forgets and skips 'N' and "TUVWX' (and instead sings, "Q, R, S, Y and Z"). Today I actually tried a little phonics exercixe on her, using the Dr. Suess ABC book and having the girls echo back words starting with each letter, and then ending the page by having them just make the sound of the letter (so, 'puh, puh, puh' for 'P', or 'mmmmmmm' for 'M'). We started with 'M', and they stayed interested all the way until 'V', when they lost interest because the sound was too tough (and they'd already done about a dozen letters, having great fun - I was amazed!). I don't think Iliana understood the exercise as anything other than fun noises, but Lenora is starting to recognize letters and had that intent manner that tells me she is learning and piecing things together. Once she figures out that those symbols make WORDS, I think she'll learn to read very, very quickly. It's probably a year or more off before she connects those dots - but she's getting a glimmering of it already.

I admit: I want my children to learn to read young. I learned young, and loved it soooo much! I am so excited to be able to share this with my children, and thrilled that one of them is showing interest. Actually, she's more interested than I ever expected at this age! But then, Lenora is really sensitive to our feelings . . . she may know how much this matters to me, and be working on letters because she can tell it gives her a special relationship with me. And it does - Iliana and I have more similar personalities, while Lenora is more like her Dad, so sharing a love of words with Lenora is extra special to me.

Iliana's not as interested in her letters, but I'm definitely seeing the "twin synergy" kick in. That's what I call the effect where one twin learns something, and then the other twin picks it up without any more work from us - even though it's not in her personality to work on that skill. As parents, DH and I focus on teaching whomever is easiest to teach a particular skill, and almost always the other sibling will go through a spurt in a couple of months, and almost catch up with her sister before returning to her "favorite" skills to develop once more.

Iliana continues to "test" a lot - I think she will always push boundaries more than Lenora will. She is just so curious. However, she is definitely starting to get the hang of self-restraint, and is mastering the art of charming people (except when she is tired - did I mention that she takes after me?).

Both girls are thrilled with all the kids they've seen lately. The older children of our friends are amazing with these little girls, and really look out for them and love to show them new things. I'm seeing their care reflected in how the girls play and care for their dolls (and our own care . . . Iliana's dolls get a lot of timeouts, always administered by her with glee, but they get lots of hugs too).

For the first time ever, I'm starting to see the behavior that DH sees when I'm gone. The girls are getting used to me being home, and sometimes will go play by themselves instead of clinging around me constantly, fussing and screaming unless I'm directly interacting with them. It's taken them over a week to get to that point, but things did start to smooth out after the first two days of leave. I'm amazed by the games they play on their own - their imaginations have become so much richer lately, and they are starting to act out small stories now. The other day I learned that they were driving to the zoo in their toy car to see the monkeys with their Bahka. "Bahka", by the way, is Iliana's made-up name for her grandmother, possibly derived from the thousands of books in Grandma's home. It's the only baby-word that has really "stuck" in our vocabulary.

Anyways, I'm still totally a first-time parent, revelling in all the new differences I see in my children. And obsessed with my kids . . . I sometimes feel embaressed by how single-minded I can be towards my kids, and I notice I often forget to talk about someone else's kids once in a while. Hopefully I'll grow out of that. I'm working on it, but I think it's harder with twins. It's not just my child that is amazing, it's how DIFFERENT they are. I still can't believe I got such ideal children - they are so much like the twins I daydreamed about while pregnant, with different personalities and richly enjoying each other's company. Except they listen better than I expected. I rarely have to threaten with timeouts, and even more rarely have to follow through on my threat.

Of course, they haven't gotten old enough to really start bickering yet. Or rebel.

Shopping trip!

DH and I finally realized that we could postpone our mortgage payments until the 16th if we pay a fee of $6 - meaning we will get another paycheck first. I put enough money into savings to get us through September (since our income will be going entirely to the next two mortgage payments), and the remainder is more than enough to get us through August with a little left over for much-needed "large item" purchases.

Our first "large purchase" was a shopping trip to Cash 'n' Carry. We spent a lot - over $200 - but walked out with soooo much meat. I broke all the pieces of meat up into sandwich bags - some diced for soups, some sliced for "snacks", some cut into "coins" of sausage, some cut into "steaks" of ham and turkey. In my experience, that is just the right amount of meat to use for one meal (which usually lasts us for dinner and lunch the next day, since we usually make soup or stir-fry or something with it). We have thirty bags from today's trip alone! Add in the meat we already have, and we have about 2 months of meat now in our freezer :-) Plus we have some cheese, condiments, spices . . . I'm happy.

I'm working to organize a get-together with a couple of friends to make a bunch of freezer meals together in a couple of days, as well. I'm also going to mix up some bags of dry spices, beans, grains, veggies, and mushrooms to make crockpot soups and chiles - just add meat! All in all, I'm feeling pretty good about the food situation when I go back to work.

I've set aside Tuesday to Thursday to just focus on food preperation - Bjorn has agreed to take the girls out while I work. Right now, we're actually focusing on laundry and clothes - getting everything washed and put away, and figuring out what the "right place" is for everything. Then we'll go to San Juan Island to visit Bjorn's parents for the weekend. Once we get back, we'll focus on unpacking all of the boxes in the garage and getting things in general organized and put away around the house for a week - and then the last week, I get to focus on the garden (which is fun, but hard work), and will return to work on Friday, September 5th.

I'm hoping that we can start pretending I'm "going to work" as the date draws closer - having me work outside for most of the day, just coming in for lunch, while Bjorn handles everything he'll be handling once I return to my real work, and keeping an early schedule - getting up at 5 AM, and going to bed right after the girls.

Leave of absence from work

I'm going to be taking a leave of absence from work starting tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to do my job better after taking a break. And hopefully that will be enough to keep my job.

Going without an income is going to be a financial stretch. But this is a good job, and losing it will be a longer financial stretch - and finding a new job would be a huge mental hurdle right now. It's really hard to sell yourself when you feel like a loser *and* you just got laid off.

I've been trying to tell myself that it's okay to just enjoy the time off and not feel guilty or like a failure because "I ought to feel bad, it's my fault I need to take time off". I thought I was prepared to be positive - but then I go to blog about it, and I feel like I should be expressing remorse (yet another benefit of the blog - it uncovers bad mindsets I might not otherwise recognize until it was too late).

I can't really afford to take all the blame right now (even though it *is* all my fault, 'cuz I'm SuperWoman and should NEVER fail at anything! And should be completely independent of those around me and never need help or support!). I know it's irrational to think this is entirely my fault. The last thing I need is to get depressed right as I take time off of work, and spend 30 days wallowing in self-pity. I can be really good at wallowing . . . not exactly a skill that gets listed on my CV :-P