Year in review, and a guess at what is to come

Big events for each month of the last year - yep, that's right, I go a months without saying anything and then post a novella:

January: Got fired six days into the year. With this auspicious beginning, DH and I both start looking for work.

February: No one has found a job yet. Despite the financial stress and mounting credit card bills, the whole family seems to be generally doing better than 2008 (when we were dealing with many health issues and family struggles, and the girls were not getting the parental attention they needed).

March: Our credit card debt grows and our bank account empties completely. I find a year-long contract position and start March 15th. DH keeps watching the girls and looking for work. The UI check for all my UI payments for the last 2.5 months arrives one week after my first paycheck, just in time to pay for the mortgage for April.

April: Birthday celebrations for all! Grandparents are very generous to our daughters. There's also an anniversary in there, but as usual, no one makes a big fuss about it. DH keeps applying for jobs, and has it down to a fine art. He applies to 3 or 4 jobs a day when they are available, and does this in about 2 to 3 hours a day.

May: We have an unplanned pregnancy, as expected. The only surprise is that it took so long to happen. Although we are both quite worried about how we'll manage the birth in this economy, there is also a subtle resurgence of hope and motivation that our family sorely needed.

June: Stupid car keeps breaking down. I garden when I'm not working.

July: Not only does the stupid car keep breaking down, it's going to need a $2,400 repair in 6 months. We decide it's worth adding to our huge pile of debt to get a new car using Cash for Clunkers. We mitigate our embarressment over having a new car (and the accompanying debt) by getting the vehicle with the lowest Total Cost to Own that we can find, which turns out to be a Honda Fit and quite possibly the car we would have bought anyways if we'd had money. The girls promptly name "her" Bluea.

August: Outdoors projects! A new firepit, one fish pond turns into a sandbox, the garden grows and we eat lots of fresh snow peas. Blueberries come to adorn our front yard. DH starts getting rejection notices occasionally, and we both find this immensely encouraging and take it as a sign that the economy is improving.

September: I realize we're two weeks behind on our mortgage, and try budgeting with Mint.com, which is a really neat service. DH starts getting scheduled for phone interviews that then get cancelled because the job filled before anyone actually interviewed him. My sister gives us a free car that she'd located for us back when we were having car troubles.

October: It's a girl! I make a spreadsheet of all our expected income and predictable expenses through the end of the year, in addition to the budget at Mint.com. DH starts actually getting interviews in person and on the phone, rather than just scheduling and cancelling interviews. The girls have to use last year's Halloween costumes, but still have a great time trick-or-treating with the grandparents.

November: I start putting effort into stocking the freezer so we have food when the baby arrives. DH and I finally agree on a name for the baby. DH gets a job offer for a seasonal tax software support position, and accepts it. I get a holiday bonus for Thanksgiving. We come home from a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with the step-family in-laws with butternut squash and an excellent bottle of home-made wine.

December: During a cold snap while we can't afford to heat the house, the shower drain freezes solid for about a week. The girls get excited about Christmas despite the lack of decor. I get extra hours at work plus holiday pay, but then lose some money when the family gets sick. We still have enough money to buy work clothes for DH and a few gifts and much needed things. We go to the San Juan Islands to visit the in-laws for Christmas, and a gloriously relaxing time is had by all. DH starts his job the last week of the year, and I start working from home on a schedule that is flexible enough that I can also care for the children. It's a little crazy, but works well enough.

And, looking forward to early 2010, here is what we expect to have happen:

January: DH continues to work while I care for the children and work from home. The baby is due January 22nd, which means 95% chance of being born between January 8th and February 5th. My family tends to run late, so bet on early February. I won't be taking maternity leave at all unless I absolutely physically must. The laptop comes to the hospital with me, and I could conceivably return to my work before I return to my home. DH will probably take a day or two of unpaid sick time to be with me until I leave the hospital.

February: DH could lose his job this month, but I'm guessing he won't. So this month will probably be him working full-time in the office and doing all the housework and cooking (he'll have a good freezer stash to work with) while I work full-time from home and care for the children - including the baby, who will essentially live on the nursing pillow while I work. I suspect I'm going to need some help, especially immediately after the birth.

March: DH could lose his job this month, and it's actually pretty likely that he will. I will definitely lose my job this month, as my contract ends March 15th. I'm supposed to be in the office to train my replacement from March 1st to March 15th. If DH is still working, we will need childcare during that time. I have no idea who or how that will work. Once the contract ends, I will get UI. We shouls also have a $1,000 emergency fund and may have some additional savings. There is a small chance that our mortgage payment might be reduced by $1,000 a month permanently starting about now if our application last October for a Home Mortgage Loan Modification finally goes through, but we aren't counting on it.

April: If DH hasn't lost his job yet, it will end by the 15th of this month. If he does get this far without being laid off, he might get UI. It won't be much, but every little bit helps. Either way, he's going to be looking for any work he can get to keep us from going broke, so I can focus on getting the best job I can. I don't want to end my "UI-paid maternity leave" for anything less than enough to cover our expenses and get us out of debt pretty quickly, too.

May: Our emergency fund and my UI will keep us in the black through this month even if DH's job ends back in March or earlier and even if we put all his income to paying off our credit cards. However, we'll need some additional income between March 15th and the end of May to make it through June in the black. We are pretty optimistic about being able to manage this.

Looking beyond May gets pretty hazy . . . things could end up being really messy financially, in the worst case, which could result in rough times for the whole family. Things could end up being really great, in the best case. So much depends on us finding jobs, and maybe even finding good jobs, and we only have so much control over that. However, I can say that baby Audrey will probably say her first word in 2010, and might even take her first steps near the end of the year. The twins will continue to grow up, and by December they will be 4 years 9 months old. We'll need to start deciding if we will put them into a public school kindergarten in September of 2011 or not. And, of course, we'll be in God's hands no matter what happens, and we will have each other (barring tragedy). There are some things that just don't depend on finances, and I would be a fool not to consider them worth mentioning.

Kids say the cutest things

I got a few good quotes from the girls recently.

A few weeks back, Lenora offered me some of her food. I thanked her, and she told me that she was feeding the baby!

Lenora is so ready to help nurture and care for her baby sister. Iliana seems to be more ready for a playmate, so I suspect she won't show more than curiousity until the baby gets more active and can interact a bit more. Lenora wanted a baby sister, and Iliana wanted a baby brother. I suspect Iliana has noticed that younger boys tend to be more active than younger girls, and therefore more interesting (to her mindset). Lenora wants something to cuddle and love, so "more active" isn't a good thing to her. Judging by the kicking, this child might be more like Iliana than Lenora. Then again, it might just be that this little girl has more room to move around.

Other cutisms:
When I got home from work on Monday, Iliana ran up to me saying, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Then she got to me and asked, "Did you buy anything?" I think she wasn't asking for presents, so much as she was realizing that when I come home before their bedtime, I've usually bought groceries. But it was still funny!

At bedtime, Lenora was talking to herself a lot - then suddenly out of nowhere she looks a little concerned and says, "But Mommy, if you keep getting bigger, then maybe you might not be able to fit in the house." I reassured her that the baby would be born and would finish growing outside of me, just like them, and I would go back to my normal size. She didn't seem convinced - I think she then said, "But you might not . . ."

Home Loan Modification is still possible!

We applied for a "Making Homes Affordable" home loan modification last June. This is the program where they will give you an obscenely low interest rate and stretch the term of your mortgage loan in order to bring your payments down to 38% of your income, if you meet certain qualifications like at least a 10% decrease in income during the last year. It's designed to keep people from going into foreclosure because of the economy affecting both income and the value of their homes.

Today I called about trying to avoid a late fee and get back on track with our mortgage payments. Tons of car repairs and missed work in the last few months caused us to eat through our emergency budget and then fall behind on mortgage payments. While we were talking, he asked about this program and I said that we applied, but never heard back and that it sounded like our situation was too bad to qualify. He assured me that this didn't make sense, took a look at our file, and found that they had made some mistakes about the requirements and never notified us that we needed to send some more paperwork before our case could be reviewed!

To be reviewed properly for the Home Modification, we need to gather some documents and fax them. Getting the modification will have the following effects for us:
(1) Our mortgage payment will be decreased by about $1K per month
(2) We will pay far less interest over the lifetime of our loan
(3) The length of our loan will likely be extended somewhat (assuming we don't pay ahead)
(4) Our credit score will be damaged (I guess we'd better get debt-free so that doesn't matter!)
(5) We will need to attend debt counseling, which we can probably get for free from the HUD. It will be a bit of a hassle to arrange and attend, but it's a sensible requirement and we'll undoubtedly be able to make good use of the counseling time.
(6) Our "realistic worst case" scenario goes from missing 2 to 3 housing payments over the next year (when my contract ends and I can't work at MS for 100 days) to being able to save ahead so that we have what we need to at least break even during that period. The "realistic worst case" scenario, BTW, is that I finish my contract and DH still isn't working, I get unemployment for 100 days without finding another job, and then return to my old job at the same pay. This is what we assume the future will look like when planning and budgeting. Odds are that things will actually work out better than this, but we aren't counting on it.

So the Home Loan Modification isn't without a downside, but it's a very useful tool for where we are right now.

Garden and landscaping plans

I think we have about 4 more hours of work before we have a useable sandbox, plus maybe 2 hours of finishing touches that can be done once we see how the sadbox works as-is when we first unveil it. The other projects I'd like to do are:

• Setting up a small raised garden near where we park the car, and transplanting the roses there (I have two that seem like climbers), with a trellis or arbor for them to grow over. I'm thinking this would also be a good place for lavendar, rosemary, and thyme.
  
• Removing at least the west 1/3rd of the front yard and planting Sunshine Blueberry plants (only grow to about 2 feet) and strawberries (should be a good groundcover companion plant). If I have time, I'd like to clear out the rest of the grass as well and throw in a rhubarb and maybe some red huckleberries . . . not sure what else would grow there, it doesn't get a lot of sun.
  
• Clearing out the middle pond, filling it with good garden dirt, and turning it into a lovely new garden patch.
  
• Getting a grate to cover the smallest pond with, so we can keep it as a holding pond without worrying about kids falling in.
  
• Removing a number of dead plants that were killed by those strong frosts last winter, so their space can be planted again. I'll possibly also remove a number of ornamental trees that are in the way or blocking light. I don't really like ornamental plants that much. It's probably my engineer nature - I prefer a combination of form and function, with function being slightly more important.
  
• A bunch of smaller wants, like putting in red huckleberries and weeding the edge of the future garden pond.
  
• I don't really expect to get to this, but perhaps next summer I want to put in a large French-drain system with flagstones (so it doubles as a path) through the swamp that develops in winter and spring near the picinc table, and extend the raised beds out to the edges of that drain to get more growing space and less flooding space. Hopefully we can engineer the drains to empty into the holding pond.
  
• Another "probably next year" item is making one giant raised bed back behind the shed.
  
• Another thing for next year is turning part of the shed into a playhouse for the girls. I was going to do that this summer, but making the ponds safe seemed more important when I actually got to work. Mainly, it needs to be treated for mildew, and I'd like to repaint it.
  
• Future dreams also include raising chickens to one side of the shed, and putting together a fancy playground for the kids with a slide, swings, and all that stuff. I'm not sure how realistic either of these is, but I'd love to be able to do both.
  

My garden plans for next spring are really starting to gel. The hardest part is trying to plan for simplicity during what are normally the busiest months for gardeners, when the baby will arrive and I will still be working full-time. I'd be a fool to think I'll be getting more than 30 minutes a week to garden, so my plans have to be streamlined during that phase.

I'm going to put in peas to the east of the patio, in the kitchen garden, and runner beans to the south. The peas were easily the most effortless thing I grew last year, so I should have no trouble planting them. I'm hoping runner beans will be just as easy. In front of the peas, I want to put in peppers and onions, and maybe garlic. Hopefully the pond-garden will be done, and I can put tomatoes there, but if not then I will have to fit them in the kitchen garden with the peppers. It'll be a regular salsa garden!

Finally, I'm going to make a real effort to get in an herb container garden next year. I can do a lot of the prep work this year by getting the pots and soil ready to go, so I just need to start the seedlings and pop them in!

I have dreams of chard, kale, carrots, potatoes, artichokes, asparagus, raspberries, blackberries, and more. I might try one or two of these if I finish the pond garden, but otherwise I think I need to just accept that those things will have to wait until I am a bit more prepared and experienced, and not quite so busy.

Baby!

Okay, I haven't gotten around to blogging about our new family member yet, and the first trimester is already almost over! Our baby's birth is expected in early February. The due date is January 22nd, but my family has a "tradition" of staying pregnant until at least 42 weeks, when they are induced or schedule a surgery.

Unfortunately, the Evergreen midwives (whom I received prenatal care from with my twins, until the cord was discovered to be presenting and I needed a C-section) are not an option for the birth. I will be attempting a VBAC, and the Evergreen midwives have a policy of scheduling a C-section for 41 weeks if you don't go into labor first as a VBAC. There's no good medical reason - they do it to avoid liability risks.

I'm trying to transfer my care to Dr. Dana Blackham, who really impressed me during our meet-and-greet with his transparency, knowledge, and interest in my input. Plus, his "late baby VBAC policy" allows for going to 43 weeks or even slightly later with regular ultrasounds and stress tests after 42 weeks (to detect post-maturity syndrome, I presume). Since a late baby is normal in my family, this was a good sign. He also didn't freak out about the idea of a VBAC with a 9-pound baby - and large babies are another family tradition, large even for late babies by a good half pound.

I also need to find a doula, which I haven't yet put much work into. I'd like to find someone who can not only support me & DH in the normal ways, by suggesting ways to cope with labor, but who can also support my faith. I want very much for my birth to be a chance for spiritual growth rather than just a situation to be endured. I don't know how realistic that is, having never been in labor, and I might be naive about being able to gain strength from prayer while, say, going through the transition phase - but I also know that when I get a strong "gut feeling" like this, it's usually worth checking out and putting some effort into. I don't object at all to people laughing at me if I throw the Rosary beads at the doula and beg for an epidural when push comes to shove . . . so to speak.

The girls are excited about the baby, although I think the idea is still a bit abstract for them. They know the baby will be here about one month after Christmas, so they get that there is a wait involved. We'll probably make a "baby advent calendar" from Christmas until a few weeks after the due date, to help them understand the timeline.

DH is also starting to show some signs of excitement, which is a big step. This baby wasn't exactly a surprise, but wasn't exactly planned either. I've been wanting to get pregnant again for about a year and a half, so I had few problems adjusting when our lazy attempts at avoiding pregnancy "failed". DH is in a different position, though. I will say that we both relaxed a lot once we learned that there was only one baby to prepare for, as twins would have devastating implications for our budget. It's not that babies are expensive (they aren't), but twin pregnancy and birth would highly impact my ability to earn an income. Our expenses can't go much lower than they are, since we are upside-down on our mortgage and can't sell the house. We could trim off maybe another $30 a month if we invested several hours a week, but at that point we're better off making sure I stay healthy and don't miss work with that time. It's just a better investment to keep me from missing a day and losing $200+ in income.

I need to write another post about car-buying, and another post about the cool home-improvement stuff I've been up to this last weekend, plus should also tell about our wonderful 4th of July - which, to me, really seemed like something out of a storybook, the stuff nostalgia is made of.

Honestly, the financial stress and what-ifs have been a constant annoyance - but overall, I really feel like my life since getting fired from MS has been quite blessed. It's not exactly because I was fired, although getting rid of the bad history at that job and getting lots of time with my children (who desperately needed an attentive parent by that point) really did help everyone get their feet back on the ground.

Pregnancy has also been a great blessing. I really don't take good enough care of myself normally, whether because I'm busy and too much depends on me, or I'm trying to save money, or whatever. Pregnancy forces me to give greater weight to my own health, both because of the increased frailty of my health and because the baby's health is dependent upon my own. The net result is better work-life balance, and I actually get more done than usual at home and work, while still being fairly available to the kids. A lot of this is because I lean more on DH, and find that DH is also strengthened by the challenge of providing for this baby so that he is more available than normal. He was an amazing father during and after my first pregnancy, and I can see him finding his way back into that role again during this pregnancy.

Girl anecdote

DH and I communicate via IM throughout the day, with me mainly asking him about things weighing on my mind from the "family life" sphere, and him sharing information about how the day is going so I don't feel too disconnected. I get some great stories from him, and here is one of them:

"Iliana and I were having a conversation about not drawing on me
and she was asking very nicely if she could draw an O on various parts of my arm, to which I was saying no.

"And she finally stopped asking if she could draw on me and said instead, "I can draw on you after you say yes. Say yes daddy!""

Since this is my diary, effectively, as much as anything is, it is a good place to record this. Someday I need to collect all the various bits and pieces I've written down and put them together in a book for the girls when they get older. I know that for me, that was even cooler than a scrapbook or photo album (although Flickr gives us that, as well) - my grandmother had a plastic-bound book of all the cute things her kids had said over the years, including my sister and I.

Oopsie . . . haven't posted for a while.

I still haven't posted that I'm working again, and I'm already on Day 4 on the job! Well, here's what I've been doing since I found out - on Monday, 3/9/09, so less than 2 weeks ago - that I had a job:

• Bought $400 worth of groceries, and spent most of 2 days making 20 pizzas and about a dozen other frozen meals so DH doesn't have to "cook" and can focus on childcare and studying for his Network+ certification (he's also responsible for dishes & laundry since those really need daily maintenance, at least unless we get more organized). We think we'll just have to buy milk for about the next 6 weeks.
  
  
• Had our car break down again - a coolent leak caused the serpentine to slip. Leak has been fixed, belt replaced. On credit. Le sigh.
  
  
• Worked out a budget. We're scraping by right now on my new income (as in, whether or not we have savings will depend on how much I lose in taxes up front . . . expenses may exceed income! Eep!) and have over $7K in credit card debt. Yes, I'm posting our financial details online. That debt is mitigated by almost $5K expected in unemployment backpay (expected about March 30th), so not as dire as it sounds.
  
  
• Working out how to trim the budget. This deserves its own post, and will get it. In fact, I've already written the post. And it's LONG.
  
  
• Figuring out a "homeschooling" plan. We ended up buying a curriculum that comes with a schedule. Yes, I know. We can't afford it - but I don't think we can afford not to, either. DH was struggling to spend time with the kids (mostly due to lack of ideas and time organization) before. Now, he is also studying for a certification. Since the option is available, he needs and deserves to be handed a schedule, so that he can just do what he needs to do and can focus on his studies and caring for our children, instead of spending time and stress on "home management" stuff like planning the girl's day. And I just don't have time to plan for him right now. Much easier to "homeschool" that time.
  
  
• Ignoring my homeschooling blog. That is going on total hiatus for about a month, then coming part-way up for two weeks before getting all the way up again. I still want to see if I can make any money with it (plus I love the community). If I can make *any* money with a homeschooling blog, that bodes well for more income-oriented blogs that would be more time-consuming and maybe require buying some materials or equipment.
  
  
• Creating a schedule for (and with) DH both to try and find a workable structure for his day, and to determine if watching the kids, studying for his certification, and doing some housework was reasonable, timewise (it is - childcare and housework should leave 5 1/2 hours for study and time to himself). Along with this is dividing up household responsibilities, so we can both get into a schedule and hopefully get onto autopilot.
  
  
• Mostly DH did this, actually, but we worked on getting the laundry closer to caught-up. We didn't succeed in totally catching up, but DH has *voluntarily* continued to organize, fold, and put away clothing since I've started work. Very inspiring, for me!

I think that covers it. Either way, back to work. Lunch breaks are not eternal.

Wow, what a great recruiting company!

I just finished an interview with a great recruiter at Robert Half Technology, and WOW! I have never felt such an interest in my personal goals, qualifications, and talents while working with Volt. The Volt recruiter I am working with is definitely the best match I've had yet, but Robert Half is clearly taking a longer term approach to our relationship. And guess what? It works! I absolutely want to work with these people, especially my recruiter, and will prioritize their job requests over the ones I get from Volt.

And the specific position she has for me to interview for sounds like a great opportunity as well. Very excited am I!

Not that it takes much to get me excited. Even the automatically generated responses to online applications get my hopes up, LOL. And losing on an interview with Amazon made me cry for hours. Hey, I enjoy my emotional extremes! The occasional crying jag when things go wrong is totally worth it to feel elated over every small step in the right direction that came before - and all the ones that will come after. I guess I see life like I see marriage . . . when you commit to feeling joy over all the good things, you also accept that you might get hurt by the bad things as well.

I've been fired

Yep, fired. Tuesday morning. I haven't gotten around to blogging since then. I need to hurry with this post - lots of work to do.

Tuesday was spent mostly reacting. I was okay for about four hours, which I spent thinking out the first couple of steps and working out our new 'normal' schedule: DH takes the kids out in the morning, and I work until around lunch. The kids come back, we eat, they take their nap. DH and I both work on finding jobs. Then I take the kids out when they wake up and he keeps working until we get back, dinner, and kids to bed.

Then I started getting weepy, and decided I could get started on the work 'tomorrow'. The rest of the day was spent trying not to let things spill over to the kids too much (who were definitely reacting to the stress), watching movies as a family, and calling a couple relatives to tell them.

Our planned schedule didn't work on Wednesday; we'd brought one of the kids' carseats in after she'd vomited, and after we'd cleaned the cover a cat peed on it. Bjorn spent the rest of the morning putting the cover through the wash and getting a special spray to dry while keeping the girls out of my hair.

This blog is going to get really boring for a while. I'm going to use it to measure my progress and keep on track, using the SCRUM questions: What have I done? What am I going to do today? What is blocking me?

So, for the first SCRUM entry:

What have I done:
- I called around about getting health coverage; I need to wait until the last 30 days show our lost income, and then apply to Apple Health, a website that should be able to work out all of the things that we will qualify for on our 'new' income.
- I also applied for unemployment.
- I found a career fair in Seattle in late January, and it's on our calendar.
- I found a couple of potential child-care resources so that Bjorn and I can both be looking for work at the same time on some days; we will be scheduling child-care swaps with some, others are family and glad to help.

What I am going to do today:
- Compile a list of job sites to search so I can keep notes on how effective they are
- Compile a list of possible opportunities to apply for - at least 15 options
- Apply to one opportunity with a polished resume and cover letter
- Apply to at least three opportunities with a quick-and-dirty application
- Start a list of opportunities for Bjorn, since I will probably also find things that he could do.

Blockers:
Nothing, really, except maybe lack of time if the kids come back too soon or don't nap well

I think Friday will be my "Fun work" day, when I focus on networking, reorganizing, brainstorming, maybe getting books from the library, and quick chores like cancelling appointments.

If anyone wants to help:
- If you know us - swap child-care with us. Best times for us to receive child-care are mornings. We will need to drop our kids at your house so we can work effectively. Best times for us to offer child-care is in the evenings. If you've been looking for a date night without babysitter costs, here is your chance. We can either have one of us come over to your house to babysit, or you can drop the kids off here.
- Pray for us. DH and I are both looking for work, so keep us both in your prayers.
- I'll get my resume up on the blog - probably tomorrow - and ask DH to let me post his as well. Let us know if you hear about anything that we might be able to do. I can do entry-level programming or software testing with about three years of experience; DH is looking for phone tech support positions primarily.
- Introduce us to people who work in our areas, if you know anyone, so that we can expand our networks.

Merry Christmas!

We had a wonderful beginning for our Christmas season. We went to the 8:30 PM Christmas Vigil at Immaculate Conception. We were planning on going to the 7:00 PM mass at St. Mary Magdalene, but then weren't sure if it started at 6:30 or 7:00 and their website didn't have the information posted. Since Immaculate Conception did post their schedule, we went there.

The girls behaved amazingly well for 8:30 PM. Lenora did talk an awful lot and she has a very rich voice for a toddler, which carries nicely - except during Mass, when a more easily lost voice would be nicer. There were some amusing conversations with DH whispering "Hush, it's time to listen," and her saying, "No! Stop talking. You need to be quiet," in a voice just a little quieter than her normal speaking voice. Otherwise, I found myself able to participate in the Mass more than usual. I don't know if I'm finally adjusting to Mass with two toddlers or if two toddlers are finally adjusting to Mass with me, but lately I've actually found myself hearing most of the reading and a good portion of the homily.

On Christmas Eve, the girls went to bed around 11:00 PM - very late! Then DH and I stayed up until 3:00 AM putting together their new kitchenette, adding the red decorations to the Chrismas tree, baking cinnamon-creamcheese swirl bread (that I, sadly, undercooked but was still yummy) and stuffing stockings. Note to self: Stop procrastinating on quitting your procrastination habit.

The girls slept in until 9:15 the next morning, which we were duly (and dully) grateful for. For breakfast, they had a slice of cinnamon swirl bread plus the contents of their stockings - an orange, and lots of candy (plus some stuffed toys). We had covered their kitchenette with a blanket, so it went undiscovered - until just as the Becas (made-up word for one set of grandparents) walked in, where they found an excited Iliana who had just pulled the blanket off of her toy kitchen. They couldn't figure out why she was so excited, since they didn't realize that she had just discovered it! The girls loved their new toy, played with it for about 30 minutes straight, and wandered back to play some more throughout the day.

We talked with the Becas, the girls opened a few more presents, we ate lunch and pie. We discussed how happy we were that, if nothing else, the recession has diminished the pressure to buy gifts this year. We are all introverts (except probably Iliana), and gift-giving and receiving is often more stressful than enjoyable for us. There are so many customs and expectations piled on Christmas gifts; while it's sad that people are tight on money, I'm glad to see the outrageous pressure being reduced a little and the focus returning to the spirit of the season and love of Christ.

This Christmas season was very educational for us. We didn't quite have the Christmas we hoped for, but I'm not sure it was achievable this year anyways. We could have had the decorations, everything done "proper", and two stressed-out parents, or we could have had the laid-back celebration that we did have. I think we chose the better part of the holiday, mostly, but now I have a much clearer picture of what I want this holiday to be for our family.

The question now, for me, is how to celebrate Lent and Easter richly. I don't want it to feel half-hearted at all. But that is a rambling musing that belongs to a different post.

Labor-saving snow!

There's a tree in our yard that I had been mildly thinking about removing, since it blocks sun in what could otherwise be a nice place to expand my garden. However, removing a tree is a lot of work, so I didn't worry about it too much.

The tree has been taken out by the snow. It's a fairly small tree, only about six feet tall or so, and well away from the house. The only thing it hit was another tree, which it is currently propped against. It's the Leaning Tree of Pisa!

And our cat is eating our kindling. We finally got around to trying out our fireplace, and we're loving it.

It's snowing again, too.

I love having this house when it snows. It's so warm (especially since we realized the flue in the ireplace was open since we moved in), and looks gorgeous in this weather.

We need to revise our Christmas plans now. We were going to head up to San Juan Island and visit DH's parents (his dad and dad's wife), but there's a bit too much snow for that. Now we're trying to see if the girl's grandparents (DH's mom and her SO) will come to visit in the morning, to watch the girls open presents. Well, there may not be much "opening" - I'm not sure that I can find the wrapping paper, and a couple of the gifts are too big to wrap. Since I only got them "several" gifts total, that doesn't leave a whole lot else! I think the girls will enjoy large, shared gifts best this year. They'll get more individual gifts as they grow up and their interests diverge. I think we avoided overdoing it this year, which is great.

My poor rose . . . there was one last rose left on my bushes, and it's now been quite thoroughly frozen. I suspect a number of my plants will be gone once this thaws. And we'd better find a chainsaw so we can turn that fallen tree into firewood.

Snow day at work!

This is truly lovely.

Six inches of white, fluffy snow with more still falling. I'm at work right now and relaxing with a cup of coffee while my computer runs automation, after a surprisingly fast commute - given that there is much snow and ice on the roads.

Fortunately, there aren't many people stupid enough to drive on the roads today unless they have to. Those of us who are so stupid had to be careful of snow and ice, but if you are careful to drive in the emptier parts of the road then at least you don't really need to worry so much about other people (incidentally, my carpool driver referred to us both as "idiots" first, so he won't feel maligned by this statement). On 520, this lack of dense traffic was important - the snow was obscuring the lanes entirely. On one part of the road, two "lanes" had formed where there were normally three, and later there was just snow all over, and people just gave each other lots of room and didn't even try to stay in a "lane".

We saw an articulated bus whose rear had swung out and narrowly missed a guardrail, as well as a truck that spun out in the middle of the freeway and was perpendicular to the flow of traffic. However, because there were so few cars there, he didn't hit anyone and just slowed traffic down a bit. We saw several spinouts on the sides of the road - I was surprised that msot of the cars having trouble were the big ones, not little ones. We picked up some people who were walking down a freeway exit; we couldn't tell what had happened, since they had poor English, but I'm guessing that their carpool broke down or slid out.

I think I'm the only one here for my entire floor - possibly my entire building. The quiet is unnerving. The cafeteria is closed, but the coffee machines in the kitchenette work fine, as do the vending machines. I should be able to get a lot of work done today.

More on debt and investing

We are going to be able to pay off our debt more quickly than I thought. Which is good, since we probably won't get much of a tax return. Even without making the slightest attempt to curb our spending, we are chipping away at the debt. In the spendiest part of the year. While stocking up on meat and freeze-dried goods on top of the holiday spending.

As for our tax return being small, I took the maximum amount of exemptions that we qualified for, and have paid very little in income tax. With buying the house, we may get something back. I'm just not sure.

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Someone wisely commented on how I really should have more $$ in savings on my last post - about 10 times more - and wondering how I could feel more secure with investments than savings. Well, it's not entirely rational, but there is a psychological reason I prefer stocks: I am less likely to touch them than savings.

Let's face it, the biggest risk to my savings isn't the economy or Microsoft's stock price. The greatest risk is my own bad spending habits. I am unlikely to lose even half of my savings from market volatility. If I did, though, I'd still have 50% of the money I set aside in the market. On the other hand, there are much higher odds of me spending 100% of my savings for a non-emergency if it's just in the bank. Then I am left with no savings at all, nothing but some stuff - or, more likely, memories of eating out unnecessarily and some extra pounds around my middle.

I get emotionally involved with saving through investments in a way I just don't about savings in the bank - something about the gambling nature of it all, the possible big win someday. Paying off credit card debt has a similar emotional force for me. In the end, that emotional force matters more than a set 3% rate of return in an online bank or the potential 20% loss due to market volatility and needing to withdraw at a market low. I just can't trust myself to keep $$ in the bank for very long, once I get past about one month's buffer. But I'm darned if I'm going to sell stock at a loss for anything less than an emergency, or keep paying those credit card APRs forever! For that, I will be the most frugal gal in town!

Plus I get a 10% discount on MS stock through the employee purchase plan that can help offset volatility. So that also helps me feel more secure about buying MS stock. Yes, I know I should diversify, but I really can't try to do this perfectly right now until our household gets more organized and I have more time. And that 10% buffer is too enticing. Then, too, the odds of MS tanking and wiping out all of my investments are really low - although anything is possible. So I'm putting all of my money there, until things calm down and I have a chance to think and say, "What do I really want to do with this money I'm saving each month long-term, now that I'm used to setting it aside?"

My poor, sweet 401(k)

So I, uh, looked at my 401(k) just now. I basically contributed for the employer match until right before the market started tanking last spring, and then had to take a break so I could manage our other finances. Um, yeah, about that employer match?

Gone. Entirely. With a little extra to boot. Even *with* the employer match, I've lost about $30 (-34.9% YTD change).

BUT! I'm going to be able to start investing in my 401(k) again very soon. So hopefully I'm getting some great bargains now, and will make back the money I lost and then some. Plus I'll be putting some money into my employer's stock purchase plan. The stock is selling for about half what it was earlier this year . . . yay! Of course, this means I won't be paying off my credit cards as fast (we went back into debt recently, in addition to the mortgage of course), but my gut says that we'll do OK on that anyways, and we're better off building up our savings right now. I find that it's easier for me to save by investing than by putting $$ in the bank, so that's what I'm focusing on. Having a large savings account somehow just doesn't make me feel very secure - but having $$ in investments does.

Car is working

Just an update, since I mentioned our car being out of whack.

It looks like the battery was probably low, but not dead. I turned the car on part-way once, but it didn't quite turn over; the theory is, that drained the battery enough that it wouldn't restart right away. It started fine on Monday, however. We still need to minimize driving until we get it looked at, but odds are pretty good that we just need a fresh battery.

Crazy-ish week update

Just a quick "What's up" post. We had a couple of mild-craziness events last week that deserve a mention, although they seem to be not really such big deals as they could have been.

We had a trip to the ER for pain and a fever for me on Monday evening. No one figured out what the pain was from, and the fever seemed to be unrelated. I missed two days of work while recovering from the fever, but otherwise there really isn't much here other than that "it happened" and it shook me up a bit. Oh, yeah, and reminded me how much I love having health insurance. DH was a superstar during this, and didn't even get upset about being stuck at the hospital with two toddlers until almost 10:00 PM while they checked me out (about 4.5 hours).

The other mildly crazy thing is that our only car has broken down as of last Friday. We'll be getting it towed today, probably during my lunch break. If repairs are expensive, we might end up just getting another junker; we can't afford another car right now, and probably couldn't get credit to buy another car with a payment. Either way, we might now be able to drive for an unknown period of time.

The good news is that our family is dealing with the hecticness from this very well, which is pretty amazing considering how rocky things have been lately.

Well, some dreams came true

Not all the laundry is clean, but a lot more of it is clean now than was clean at the start of the evening. The counters were barely touched. However, I also managed to do a couple of small "low-hanging fruit" things - easy tasks that will really make a difference (albeit a small difference).

I also managed to give myself a papercut.

My plan for the rest of the night is not to go to sleep at a reasonable hour like a responsible, mature adult; but rather, to stay up late eating, playing computer games, and folding loads of laundry as the dryer finishes up until DH comes home from his party.

What astounds me is that Lenora has not woken up once yet tonight. Maybe she got it all out of her system last night.

Or maybe she's saving it all up until the early morning, when I've finally gone to sleep.

Le sigh.

One of those milestones

Well! Another day, another new skill for the girls. This one, however, is not a new word in the vocabulary or a new trick on the playground toys. No, this is one of those milestones parents dread.

Lenora has learned to turn doorknobs. That's right: She now possesses the ability to let herself out of her bedroom. We can only hope she will use this power for good. Snd be too tired to get out of her room at night, given the recent middle-of-the-night "Mommy" screamfests - have I mentioned here yet how, two nights before Halloween, she spent three and a half hours straight (no exaggeration) screaming for her mommy? And even DH going in five or so times to calm her down and get her to sleep again didn't help a bit? Oh yes . . . here in the Ellison household, we live in interesting times.

Tonight, however, is a welcome break from the norm. The girls went to bed without any trouble, probably because DH and I have gotten back "in tune" with each other over the last few days. And I am rather gleeful to have DH out of the house, visiting his friends for a birthday party. I mean, come on, it's probably been years since the last time we had an evening apart from each other. I certainly don't want this to happen all of the time, but there are also tons of things I've been wanting to do that have been getting put off so that we could spend quality time together. Also, the cause is noble: One of his good friends that he's known for years but hasn't seen much lately is celebrating a birthday, and I would love to see DH maintain his relationships with that circle of friends.

Of course, there is the potential for chaos to ensue while he is out; Iliana is sick (Lenora was sick last Wednesday, rather spectacularly, while we had friends over, and these girls are great about sharing), so there is the off-chance of a huge mess being made in the middle of the night. But, hey! I managed nights alone back when DH worked late, when both girls were infants and were spitting up or vomitting on a nightly basis. At worse, it'll be just like the good ol' days.

So unless that happens, I am going to indulge in a treat I rarely have the time or energy to enjoy anymore: Housework!

(Oh, how my views have changed since becoming a WOHM! But now I dream of clean laundry and counters . . . and tonight, dreams will come true!)

"Please don't lick the sidewalk"

I was praying outside an abortion facility the other day with a friend, and Iliana tagged along (which deserves a post of its own). My little girl was (of course) a little bored, just hanging out while the big folks prayed (and chatted a bit, too). The title of this post is one of the amusing things that came out of my mouth. Other gems included:

"Don't drink water off of the street! Ewww!"

"Please don't lick the pole."

"Please don't walk on the umbrella. It's not ours."

Overall, she was actually very well behaved (I don't say 'please' when I get frustrated). Still, when she gets bored she backslides into the "oral" phase again, and everything goes into the mouth. Especially puddles. What is with this fascination with drinking from strange things, like gutters and bathtubs?

Lenora, on the other hand, was left at home for the day. *She* has been deciding not to sleep lately.

Last Thursday, Lenora was awake from 3:30 AM until 7:00 AM yelling for Mommy. Daddy went in multiple times to help her to bed, and each time she cheered up and happily went to bed and got kisses. Within five seconds of him leaving each time, she was back at the door yelling and fussing for me. I'm lying in bed, knowing I'll be exhausted at work the next day and thinking, "If she is this stubborn at 2 1/2, she'll have no problems resisting peer pressure when she's a teen."

Well, fortunately DH (Dear Husband) and I both have strong stubborn streaks as well, and we had no problem outlasting her . . . kind of. If you look at things right. Well, no, actually, we caved in. *Ahem*. See, since Lenora is allowed to get up at 7:00 AM, I went in then and talked her back into bed. Once she got what she wanted, she went back to sleep. Naturally, Iliana slept through the whole thing. It's probably the soundest sleeping I've ever seen her do. Hrmm . . . that makes me think - maybe Iliana would sleep better ALL the time if we played a recording of a screaming child at night?

I probably shouldn't try it. If we do that too much, the neighbors might call the cops.

Thursday night went fine (thank you, O Lord, for a good night's sleep to rest between our parently trials) and Lenora woke up much less sleepy on Friday, in time for Halloween. We went trick-or-treating at Microsoft and in our neighborhood, with the girls dressed as fairies and joined by a friend and her four children.

By the end of the night's excitement, the girls were covered in stickiness; I wanted to wash my hands every time I came in contact with them. Iliana, in particular, was sticky. This may have had something to do with her sucking on two lollipops at once, and then rubbing them all over her face just for the fun of the gloriously sticky messiness of it all.

My husband, in his great wisdom, ordered the girls to the bathtub shortly before we got home.

That night, Lenora screamed until after midnight. And again, I caved before she did. I really hope she doesn't ever give us the silent treatment when she gets older. If she does, it could be years before we hear her voice again. I can see the diagnosis now: "PVM, Parental Vicinity Muteness, caused by acute stubborness."

She did nap while Iliana and I were out, and now seems to be returning to a less stubborn pattern of sleep. That is to say, she has been keeping the screaming down to less than an hour before naps and bedtime and we have high hopes of her returning to her previously normal pattern of going to sleep happily after a small bribe of kisses and hugs. Please, don't anyone tell her we enjoy the kisses more than she does! She still seems to think she's coming out ahead with this deal.

Building a foundation

Lately, I've been passing up a number of opportunities to help out others around me. I've intentionally been limiting how much effort I will put into anything above and beyond my most basic roles: Mother, wife, employee. The result is a very insular way of living that isn't returning into the world the gifts that God gives our family. Yet I think it is what God needs me to do right now. While I want to construct a life that will praise God as beautifully as any church, I need to start with a foundation: A family that can bear the weight of God's Will for its members.

This foundation needs to involve the entire family; I cannot create it on my own. I lack a certain level of control or independence in my life. I cannot do anything or give anything without my family also doing or giving. Even something as simple as cooking a meal for a friend who is going through a busy period requires a gift from my family. If I cook when the children are awake, my husband must watch the children with less help from me for a little longer. If I cook when they are asleep, it takes from the time my husband and I spend together as a couple, watching TV or playing video games. My husband didn't sign up for a wife who is never available to share his passion because she wants so much to fit in with her friends, and this may be part of our problems lately.

Part of me is embarressed that I'm choosing playing video games with my husband over helping a friend, but on closer examination I realize it's actually a very shallow embarressment. My situation isn't the same as the other women, where the homemaker of the family is the one drawing the family into their community, and I shouldn't be measuring myself against them. A large part of what is going on in my head is a less-shallow version of keeping up with the Jones'. The big difference is that I'm trying to keep up in an area of real value, the area of helping my friends, rather than in the area of "fancy car" or "nice house" - but otherwise, the situation is very similar. Following the caring example of a friend out of love is good; feeling guilty because I am not as helpful as my friends is honestly a little silly.

My friends already have foundations, at least for this part of their houses, and they are able to meet the needs of their community without me. Right now, I need to give my family the things they need to feel comfortable signing up, as a family, for this kind of simple ministry and making it part of our family's work. In this, I really miss the short stint I spent as a homemaker. During the time when my husband was at work, I had complete leadership over the family. I could do as I saw fit, provided I was fulfilling my responsibilities to my children. I no longer experience that sort of leadership of our family, and I find I really miss it.