Building a foundation

Lately, I've been passing up a number of opportunities to help out others around me. I've intentionally been limiting how much effort I will put into anything above and beyond my most basic roles: Mother, wife, employee. The result is a very insular way of living that isn't returning into the world the gifts that God gives our family. Yet I think it is what God needs me to do right now. While I want to construct a life that will praise God as beautifully as any church, I need to start with a foundation: A family that can bear the weight of God's Will for its members.

This foundation needs to involve the entire family; I cannot create it on my own. I lack a certain level of control or independence in my life. I cannot do anything or give anything without my family also doing or giving. Even something as simple as cooking a meal for a friend who is going through a busy period requires a gift from my family. If I cook when the children are awake, my husband must watch the children with less help from me for a little longer. If I cook when they are asleep, it takes from the time my husband and I spend together as a couple, watching TV or playing video games. My husband didn't sign up for a wife who is never available to share his passion because she wants so much to fit in with her friends, and this may be part of our problems lately.

Part of me is embarressed that I'm choosing playing video games with my husband over helping a friend, but on closer examination I realize it's actually a very shallow embarressment. My situation isn't the same as the other women, where the homemaker of the family is the one drawing the family into their community, and I shouldn't be measuring myself against them. A large part of what is going on in my head is a less-shallow version of keeping up with the Jones'. The big difference is that I'm trying to keep up in an area of real value, the area of helping my friends, rather than in the area of "fancy car" or "nice house" - but otherwise, the situation is very similar. Following the caring example of a friend out of love is good; feeling guilty because I am not as helpful as my friends is honestly a little silly.

My friends already have foundations, at least for this part of their houses, and they are able to meet the needs of their community without me. Right now, I need to give my family the things they need to feel comfortable signing up, as a family, for this kind of simple ministry and making it part of our family's work. In this, I really miss the short stint I spent as a homemaker. During the time when my husband was at work, I had complete leadership over the family. I could do as I saw fit, provided I was fulfilling my responsibilities to my children. I no longer experience that sort of leadership of our family, and I find I really miss it.