I'm going to be taking a leave of absence from work starting tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to do my job better after taking a break. And hopefully that will be enough to keep my job.
Going without an income is going to be a financial stretch. But this is a good job, and losing it will be a longer financial stretch - and finding a new job would be a huge mental hurdle right now. It's really hard to sell yourself when you feel like a loser *and* you just got laid off.
I've been trying to tell myself that it's okay to just enjoy the time off and not feel guilty or like a failure because "I ought to feel bad, it's my fault I need to take time off". I thought I was prepared to be positive - but then I go to blog about it, and I feel like I should be expressing remorse (yet another benefit of the blog - it uncovers bad mindsets I might not otherwise recognize until it was too late).
I can't really afford to take all the blame right now (even though it *is* all my fault, 'cuz I'm SuperWoman and should NEVER fail at anything! And should be completely independent of those around me and never need help or support!). I know it's irrational to think this is entirely my fault. The last thing I need is to get depressed right as I take time off of work, and spend 30 days wallowing in self-pity. I can be really good at wallowing . . . not exactly a skill that gets listed on my CV :-P
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Congrats! This is probably a good idea. I'll be in the south of Seattle area today for the second half of the day and won't be back til late, but I'll be hunkering down around the house after that, I hope! Please let me know if you'd like to get together, with or without family members. And also if you need babysitting and when. We're going to Brandon's sister's bday today.
LOVE AND HUGS!
So, I might be a bit biased, but I love you anyway! Not being superwoman is not bad, she doesn't show up around here much anymore. I just went on a week long retreat on prayer and what I came away from it with was that I really have to stop saying that God comes first and actually put him first. So I have been waking up at 5am (ouch) and doing an hour of prayer: lectio divina (a way of reading scripture) and a rosary usually. It has been amazing. 1) I don't miss the sleep (I usually crawl back into bed with husband and/or assorted children for a half hour or so because I am not ready to get stuff done, it just is a little too brutal to start the day at 5) and 2) the right things seem to be happening -- the house is cleaner, the kids are getting my attention and I don't feel more insane than normal.
This might seem like a non sequitor, but if you're re-prioritizing, you might try it to see how things go. Keep in mind the harder it is to pray the more God appreciates the prayers.
I hope that helps!
So, interesting tidbit that I learned: if you want your prayer to be answered it must meet 4 criteria:
1) pray for yourself
2) pray for spiritual gifts
3) pray piously
4) keep praying until you are told to stop.
It isn't exactly the winning lottery numbers, but it is pretty hopeful for me to know that a prayer for me to have patience with my kids will be answered. Because really, you deal with not having the winning lottery numbers, but when family life needs help, it is great to be able to pray for yourself and be able to be trust its efficacy. It was either Thomas Aquinas or St. Augustine that wrote the 4 points and I am summarizing from memory so please forgive any misquotations.
My hope and prayer is that it gives you a little bit of hope, too!
I'll stop after this, I meant to say that the only prayer we are assured of having answered is a prayer that meets the 4 criteria that I quoted from memory. Other prayer is assuredly answered, but often in incomprehensible (to our pea-sized intellect) ways.
Oh, I lied when I said I was done. So, Tom Curran says if you're going to pray for humility lose his phone number because chances are God is going to help you by humbling you. And he probably isn't going to stop when you say, "okay, okay, I think that's humble enough! I really feel like a heel now! Enough already! I know I suck at my vocation already! aaaaaaaack!"
God moves in large scale, and if we try to do his job for him by running our lives (ex-superwomen of the world support groups are forming now, call to join!) he might just let us trip and fall really hard on our faces until we lean more on him. I know that I tend to get a little over-excited with how well /I/ am doing and go a little berserk (Ann Marie stop laughing) and God keeps me humble by reminding me to rely on the crazy people he has placed in my life (ex-superwomen support groups are forming now, call to join!)
We love you! (I can only speak for me and God as Eric, Mariah, Josh and Michael are all asleep already -- check that time stamp!!)
I have not had any caffeine today, I swear! Really!
The Ex-Superwomen Support Group (XSSG for short) does not mean to say that you shouldn't be working, I think you are uniquely gifted to do crap I barely understand (pardon my plain speaking). I really hope that a little hiatus gives you the time to get your perspective in gear to go on being an amazing wife, mom, and programmer. And really for the daily bread in the sense of eating everyday it does seem to be the soundest policy. So I highly recommend hanging out with your hubby, interacting with him (NOT A SCREEN)! We have many games without electric parts that facilitate such archaic communication forms if you want to play them with just yourselves or if you would like to add your chaos to our chaos, we would welcome that, too! (Zombies hasn't been played in a loooong time and the undead are getting restless in the closet with only each other to feed on!) So let us know what we can do, and once again the we is just me and God, everyone else is still asleep! So I'm free now :)
DEAR LORD, Woman. Don't those people at Starbucks know not to feed you anymore caffeine? How much have you had?????
And no, I refuse to stop laughing. God must love laughter, because he put way too many crazy people in our lives for us to stop.
I hear the zombies from here. What is with this zombie theme, anyway?
Does anyone have a copy of Bill Cosby Himself? I have a hankerin'.
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