I don't seem to have the drive for consistent blogging, but I guess that's not a big deal. I always half expected by blog to be more of a personal journal than anything. I just don't have the energy to try and coax people to read my words.
Right now, I am depressed. And for one of the silliest reasons in the world, too: I just went to a party. My team just shipped Beta 1 of Internet Explorer 8, and so today was a day of celebration.
I thought I'd gotten over that "alone in a crowd" feeling back in high school or maybe as late as college. Nope. It's still there. Fortunately, I'm now smart enough to just go take a break rather than try and tough it out, but I'm still feeling very depressed after an afternoon of good (free!) food, socialization, playing Rock Band, and getting free drinks (both alcoholic and caffeinated). Each activity was enjoyable in and of itself, but altogether something was just overwhelming for me.
What a silly disabilty to have. Party-fun challenged. Erg, needs a better name. Maybe I'll grab a thesaurus and make something up later.
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2 comments:
Wow! I guess you should make your entrance at some parties, to "be a good sport", but not go to too many of them. Perhaps it's the lack of real connection. As long as you are willing to put your "real"-ness on hold and just have some fairly selfish fun, perhaps that would help? Not to say you can't be real, but you are a very authentic human. Maybe it's hard to put "you" on hold and be kind of a facade while at a party. Does that make any sense? Probably not. It's late, and we loved seeing you today. More next weekend!
Love,
Ann Marie
I don't have this problem at, say, Rosary group and family gatherings . . . and much less at small gatherings with close friends.
It might just be the noise and visual stimulation being overwhelming at larger parties, or maybe the sense that I *should* be having fun. And yes, I think the "facade" thing is right.
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