For some reason, stepping outside of the normal roles for men and women by becoming a "reverse-traditional family" has made me crave definition. I think it is the fear that people will assume I am a "career woman", putting the "fulfillment" and "stimulation" of the adult workplace before my family - with the implication that I don't find my family to be important, fulfilling, or stimulating.
This probably sounds a bit silly, but having a label helps me work out the appropriate expectations for me to have of myself. I am very used to being the main person doing the housework, since during the early relationship and before I went back to work after the girls were born I did a great deal of the homemaking. I can easily start to feel responsible for too much, and start trying to control things that are now in my husband's sphere of life. Labels give me stereotypes that I can use for role models.
I finally realized what kind of label feels right. I want a female version of "family man". You know, the guy who has a steady, stable job and gets promotions - but never at the expense of his family. He's there for his kids' birthdays, he picks up the groceries and runs errands on his way home from work, and he helps out around the house. Of course, I am not identical to this old, comfy stereotypical man. When at home, I mother - my parenting has a distinctly female style to it. I also do "woman's work" at home - I cook meals rather than do repairs, and fold laundry.
Whatever I am, I absolutely am not a stereotyped career woman, although I am a woman with a career. I will probably get raises and climb the career ladder and be proud of what I do at work - I might as well enjoy myself, since I am stuck there for at least 40 hours a week either way. But ultimately, my job is an extension of my work as a parent.
Whew. I needed to get that out there. Now I've stated my position clearly, and I can quit feeling defensive. LOL, it should be so easy!
Oh, right, we moved into our first owned home. Well, we own it - but we also own a 30 year mortgage that comes with it. I should mention that. And probably blog about it. But that's old news, we moved on Monday the 17th.
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"Whatever I am, I absolutely am not a stereotyped career woman, although I am a woman with a career. I will probably get raises and climb the career ladder and be proud of what I do at work - I might as well enjoy myself, since I am stuck there for at least 40 hours a week either way. But ultimately, my job is an extension of my work as a parent. "
AMEN!!!!!!!
I feel the same way!I want to not only be proud of what I do, but I want to show my kids that it is possible to do something you love and yet still be there for my family with out sacraficing much at all. I feel like you do that parenting is more than just bieng a face at home but also gets as involved as possible with thier child when they aren't at work. Ok sorry for the rambling comment! Oh and BTW, thanks for posting all this stuff. !
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