Big events for each month of the last year - yep, that's right, I go a months without saying anything and then post a novella:
January: Got fired six days into the year. With this auspicious beginning, DH and I both start looking for work.
February: No one has found a job yet. Despite the financial stress and mounting credit card bills, the whole family seems to be generally doing better than 2008 (when we were dealing with many health issues and family struggles, and the girls were not getting the parental attention they needed).
March: Our credit card debt grows and our bank account empties completely. I find a year-long contract position and start March 15th. DH keeps watching the girls and looking for work. The UI check for all my UI payments for the last 2.5 months arrives one week after my first paycheck, just in time to pay for the mortgage for April.
April: Birthday celebrations for all! Grandparents are very generous to our daughters. There's also an anniversary in there, but as usual, no one makes a big fuss about it. DH keeps applying for jobs, and has it down to a fine art. He applies to 3 or 4 jobs a day when they are available, and does this in about 2 to 3 hours a day.
May: We have an unplanned pregnancy, as expected. The only surprise is that it took so long to happen. Although we are both quite worried about how we'll manage the birth in this economy, there is also a subtle resurgence of hope and motivation that our family sorely needed.
June: Stupid car keeps breaking down. I garden when I'm not working.
July: Not only does the stupid car keep breaking down, it's going to need a $2,400 repair in 6 months. We decide it's worth adding to our huge pile of debt to get a new car using Cash for Clunkers. We mitigate our embarressment over having a new car (and the accompanying debt) by getting the vehicle with the lowest Total Cost to Own that we can find, which turns out to be a Honda Fit and quite possibly the car we would have bought anyways if we'd had money. The girls promptly name "her" Bluea.
August: Outdoors projects! A new firepit, one fish pond turns into a sandbox, the garden grows and we eat lots of fresh snow peas. Blueberries come to adorn our front yard. DH starts getting rejection notices occasionally, and we both find this immensely encouraging and take it as a sign that the economy is improving.
September: I realize we're two weeks behind on our mortgage, and try budgeting with Mint.com, which is a really neat service. DH starts getting scheduled for phone interviews that then get cancelled because the job filled before anyone actually interviewed him. My sister gives us a free car that she'd located for us back when we were having car troubles.
October: It's a girl! I make a spreadsheet of all our expected income and predictable expenses through the end of the year, in addition to the budget at Mint.com. DH starts actually getting interviews in person and on the phone, rather than just scheduling and cancelling interviews. The girls have to use last year's Halloween costumes, but still have a great time trick-or-treating with the grandparents.
November: I start putting effort into stocking the freezer so we have food when the baby arrives. DH and I finally agree on a name for the baby. DH gets a job offer for a seasonal tax software support position, and accepts it. I get a holiday bonus for Thanksgiving. We come home from a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with the step-family in-laws with butternut squash and an excellent bottle of home-made wine.
December: During a cold snap while we can't afford to heat the house, the shower drain freezes solid for about a week. The girls get excited about Christmas despite the lack of decor. I get extra hours at work plus holiday pay, but then lose some money when the family gets sick. We still have enough money to buy work clothes for DH and a few gifts and much needed things. We go to the San Juan Islands to visit the in-laws for Christmas, and a gloriously relaxing time is had by all. DH starts his job the last week of the year, and I start working from home on a schedule that is flexible enough that I can also care for the children. It's a little crazy, but works well enough.
And, looking forward to early 2010, here is what we expect to have happen:
January: DH continues to work while I care for the children and work from home. The baby is due January 22nd, which means 95% chance of being born between January 8th and February 5th. My family tends to run late, so bet on early February. I won't be taking maternity leave at all unless I absolutely physically must. The laptop comes to the hospital with me, and I could conceivably return to my work before I return to my home. DH will probably take a day or two of unpaid sick time to be with me until I leave the hospital.
February: DH could lose his job this month, but I'm guessing he won't. So this month will probably be him working full-time in the office and doing all the housework and cooking (he'll have a good freezer stash to work with) while I work full-time from home and care for the children - including the baby, who will essentially live on the nursing pillow while I work. I suspect I'm going to need some help, especially immediately after the birth.
March: DH could lose his job this month, and it's actually pretty likely that he will. I will definitely lose my job this month, as my contract ends March 15th. I'm supposed to be in the office to train my replacement from March 1st to March 15th. If DH is still working, we will need childcare during that time. I have no idea who or how that will work. Once the contract ends, I will get UI. We shouls also have a $1,000 emergency fund and may have some additional savings. There is a small chance that our mortgage payment might be reduced by $1,000 a month permanently starting about now if our application last October for a Home Mortgage Loan Modification finally goes through, but we aren't counting on it.
April: If DH hasn't lost his job yet, it will end by the 15th of this month. If he does get this far without being laid off, he might get UI. It won't be much, but every little bit helps. Either way, he's going to be looking for any work he can get to keep us from going broke, so I can focus on getting the best job I can. I don't want to end my "UI-paid maternity leave" for anything less than enough to cover our expenses and get us out of debt pretty quickly, too.
May: Our emergency fund and my UI will keep us in the black through this month even if DH's job ends back in March or earlier and even if we put all his income to paying off our credit cards. However, we'll need some additional income between March 15th and the end of May to make it through June in the black. We are pretty optimistic about being able to manage this.
Looking beyond May gets pretty hazy . . . things could end up being really messy financially, in the worst case, which could result in rough times for the whole family. Things could end up being really great, in the best case. So much depends on us finding jobs, and maybe even finding good jobs, and we only have so much control over that. However, I can say that baby Audrey will probably say her first word in 2010, and might even take her first steps near the end of the year. The twins will continue to grow up, and by December they will be 4 years 9 months old. We'll need to start deciding if we will put them into a public school kindergarten in September of 2011 or not. And, of course, we'll be in God's hands no matter what happens, and we will have each other (barring tragedy). There are some things that just don't depend on finances, and I would be a fool not to consider them worth mentioning.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Friday, January 1, 2010
Monday, August 31, 2009
Jobs - wouldn't it be great?
It's no secret I want to work less and stay home more. DH likes this idea too, except for the reality that we haven't yet figured out a realistic way to afford it.
I'm wondering more and more if we could possibly pull off something clever with contract work long-term, so that I spend 6 months at home and DH spends 3 months at home each year, with 3 months where we both work and the children are in care - sort of a reverse-summer-break.
This would actually work as a two-year cycle to maximize the time DH and I can spend at each job. In other words, DH would work for 18 months straight and I would work for 1 year straight, with three months of overlap at each end.
A plan like this has a number of hang-ups, and I've already thought of probably 90% of them and come up with decent solutions for most that I've thought of, with ease. However, there is one thing that absolutely must be in place before we deliberately attempt this, something that I am less sure how to handle:
Debt-free with three to six months expenses in the bank.
This is where this plan gets tough. A plan like the one I described has significant financial risk every three to six months, and we MUST have some buffer space! To get this, DH and I will need to work simultaneously for roughly two years netting $20K per year above our non-debt expenses before we can even start (obviously, we're not including mortgage debt here!). There are other ideas, but none that we can count on (e.g., start a business netting $20 to 30 K a year; have one of us work nights consistently; and so on). Even having us both work has a number of variables we can't control, like that DH has been looking for work for 8 months with no luck already and that childcare could eat through his income if hours don't work out.
Could we handle it? Is it worth it to put our kids in childcare for two years? Is there another way to get these $$?
I'm wondering more and more if we could possibly pull off something clever with contract work long-term, so that I spend 6 months at home and DH spends 3 months at home each year, with 3 months where we both work and the children are in care - sort of a reverse-summer-break.
This would actually work as a two-year cycle to maximize the time DH and I can spend at each job. In other words, DH would work for 18 months straight and I would work for 1 year straight, with three months of overlap at each end.
A plan like this has a number of hang-ups, and I've already thought of probably 90% of them and come up with decent solutions for most that I've thought of, with ease. However, there is one thing that absolutely must be in place before we deliberately attempt this, something that I am less sure how to handle:
Debt-free with three to six months expenses in the bank.
This is where this plan gets tough. A plan like the one I described has significant financial risk every three to six months, and we MUST have some buffer space! To get this, DH and I will need to work simultaneously for roughly two years netting $20K per year above our non-debt expenses before we can even start (obviously, we're not including mortgage debt here!). There are other ideas, but none that we can count on (e.g., start a business netting $20 to 30 K a year; have one of us work nights consistently; and so on). Even having us both work has a number of variables we can't control, like that DH has been looking for work for 8 months with no luck already and that childcare could eat through his income if hours don't work out.
Could we handle it? Is it worth it to put our kids in childcare for two years? Is there another way to get these $$?
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
What does the Catholic church say about WOHMs?
I love the way the Catholic church and its members support SAHMs, especially in the face of secular attitudes towards feminism and motherhood. I love the way it validates, uplifts, and upholds their work as the fulfillment of feminine virtue.
What I don't love is the resounding near-silence from most of the church and its members when it comes to employed moms. It's not that employed moms should be treated as an "alternate ideal", because there are good, sound reasons for mothers to generally be more involved with home life and less involved with employed life, while fathers take the opposite path in general. Yet so many mothers are employed, and many for good reasons, while the amount of support for these mothers from the church is very small. I ache every time I read one of the many wonderful articles or reviews of books written to support SAHMs, or hear about a great program like "Mary and Martha" that helps women discover their path to follow Christ in their homes, not because I resent them, but because I feel the same need for guidance that those mothers must feel - but don't get these wonderful, considerate answers that they do.
There is a saying: Be the change you want to see in the world. I'm trying to figure out if I can do this, somehow. Could I do something to give mothers like mea sense of community and holiness in their lives? Do other mothers even feel this want the way I do, or am I just different somehow? If it's not just me, can I do this in a way that does not diminish the virtues and work of SAHMs, but rather ties together motherly virtue and the workplace in such a way that WOHMs feel united with our sisters in Christ who serve their families in the homes? Can the rich advice and abundant guides to holiness for SAHMs, combined with church teachings on daily labor, give employed mothers a guide to living the virtues they've been given with the life that they've been given, so we don't feel excluded from the blessings of church community by the circumstances that lead to our employment outside the home?
I think that such a philosophy would flow quite naturally from church teachings, when those teachings are closely examined by anyone with personal experience in this area. And I want to know what this philosophy would look like. Surely there is information available. There have been saints who have pursued daily work while living holy lives, most pertinently St. Gianna. Nor can I believe that the church does not speak to the many men who labor for their families - surely many principles that apply to these men will apply to many women as well.
At the same time, such a task would be daunting at a time when there is so much else happening in my life. It would take research, interviews, networking, lots of thought, analysis of other women's needs, consideration of my own biases, community building, and so much more. Some of these tasks suit my introverted, analytical nature - but many would require me to step well outside of my comfort zone, asking for help and support from people I may admire or consider better than myself to complete this project, and interacting with many strangers over a potentially very personal topic.
I also expect that this would be less a situation of philosophy formation than of discovery. I think the answers are already out there, just buried under controversy and confusion arising from "Mommy Wars", radical feminism, and secular voices that praise employed mothers for all the wrong reasons. These are real controversies, but I firmly believe that they result from confusion, rather than from any real opposition - and "the truth will set you free." I want to uncover the hidden message of what God's revelation means for the employed mother's daily life, so we can enjoy the same rich meaning that I see in the lives of SAHMs.
What I don't love is the resounding near-silence from most of the church and its members when it comes to employed moms. It's not that employed moms should be treated as an "alternate ideal", because there are good, sound reasons for mothers to generally be more involved with home life and less involved with employed life, while fathers take the opposite path in general. Yet so many mothers are employed, and many for good reasons, while the amount of support for these mothers from the church is very small. I ache every time I read one of the many wonderful articles or reviews of books written to support SAHMs, or hear about a great program like "Mary and Martha" that helps women discover their path to follow Christ in their homes, not because I resent them, but because I feel the same need for guidance that those mothers must feel - but don't get these wonderful, considerate answers that they do.
There is a saying: Be the change you want to see in the world. I'm trying to figure out if I can do this, somehow. Could I do something to give mothers like mea sense of community and holiness in their lives? Do other mothers even feel this want the way I do, or am I just different somehow? If it's not just me, can I do this in a way that does not diminish the virtues and work of SAHMs, but rather ties together motherly virtue and the workplace in such a way that WOHMs feel united with our sisters in Christ who serve their families in the homes? Can the rich advice and abundant guides to holiness for SAHMs, combined with church teachings on daily labor, give employed mothers a guide to living the virtues they've been given with the life that they've been given, so we don't feel excluded from the blessings of church community by the circumstances that lead to our employment outside the home?
I think that such a philosophy would flow quite naturally from church teachings, when those teachings are closely examined by anyone with personal experience in this area. And I want to know what this philosophy would look like. Surely there is information available. There have been saints who have pursued daily work while living holy lives, most pertinently St. Gianna. Nor can I believe that the church does not speak to the many men who labor for their families - surely many principles that apply to these men will apply to many women as well.
At the same time, such a task would be daunting at a time when there is so much else happening in my life. It would take research, interviews, networking, lots of thought, analysis of other women's needs, consideration of my own biases, community building, and so much more. Some of these tasks suit my introverted, analytical nature - but many would require me to step well outside of my comfort zone, asking for help and support from people I may admire or consider better than myself to complete this project, and interacting with many strangers over a potentially very personal topic.
I also expect that this would be less a situation of philosophy formation than of discovery. I think the answers are already out there, just buried under controversy and confusion arising from "Mommy Wars", radical feminism, and secular voices that praise employed mothers for all the wrong reasons. These are real controversies, but I firmly believe that they result from confusion, rather than from any real opposition - and "the truth will set you free." I want to uncover the hidden message of what God's revelation means for the employed mother's daily life, so we can enjoy the same rich meaning that I see in the lives of SAHMs.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Things are thawing!
No, I'm not just referring to the warming ground and the shoots of peas coming up in my kitchen garden (much as I am fascinated by them).
I'm talking about the economy. And the fact that DH and I were both just contacted about job opportunities by people we applied to for different positions over a month ago. I told mine I'd be available next March, and DH is probably going to rush out his application today.
Plus, DH just scheduled his Network+ exam. It will be in just over a week. Wow!
I'm talking about the economy. And the fact that DH and I were both just contacted about job opportunities by people we applied to for different positions over a month ago. I told mine I'd be available next March, and DH is probably going to rush out his application today.
Plus, DH just scheduled his Network+ exam. It will be in just over a week. Wow!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Appreciate your breadwinner
Every day that a breadwinner leaves their house, they also leave the belongings that matter most to them in the world - their children and their home - in the hands of their spouse. If you are a SAHP, take a few minutes here to savor the faith and trust that your beloved places in you every workday. It is a daily gesture of respect and honor to you.
Recently, a friend linked this post on how SAHMs are heroes. It is very true, yet for me as a woman, I've heard most of it all before. Except one part.
"I’m always hearing wives refer to their husbands as Heroes. Hero this and Hero that. In particular you hear it when they talk about their husbands going off to work to provide for the families."
This brought tears to my eyes, to realize that there are SAHPs who value their breadwinners so highly. To know that some SAHMs realize how hard it is to walk out that door every morning and put the family behind you as if they weren't the thing you love most in the world, for eight hours every single day - that is very precious, indeed. This may sound strange to you, but I have never heard this sentiment before - that a breadwinner is a hero. I have always heard about how wonderful SAHPs are, how much they do for so little recognition - and I have no doubt that, for most people, this is the society they live in.
But it's not the world I live in. And so, for me, it was a small tragedy when I read the next line, even understanding where it was coming from: "But it’s really bunk. Mothers are the real Heroes."
Of course, the author is, himself, a breadwinner. He probably feels confident that his work is important and necessary for his family. He blithely states later that men like going to work, and that is often true in a sense (for men and women) - yet I suspect that even parents who love their jobs would normally rather do them for, say, just ten hours a week. The other thirty hours or so, we'd rather be home with our families. Daily employment is a sacrifice, for any parent who has their priorities straight. Sardonic Catholic Dad, the author, does have his priorities straight BTW - he was just playing down his role, to lift up and glorify his wife. But his wife is also correct - he is a Hero, too.
Sardonic Catholic Dad is right to tell mothers and SAHPs "don’t feel to sorry for us or put us up on a pedestal". However, the truth is that being a parent requires hard work and sacrifice, regardless of what your role is in the family. Regardless of whether you stay home or work for pay, your spouse is a hero. Love him, honor him, and do something special for him (or her).
Recently, a friend linked this post on how SAHMs are heroes. It is very true, yet for me as a woman, I've heard most of it all before. Except one part.
"I’m always hearing wives refer to their husbands as Heroes. Hero this and Hero that. In particular you hear it when they talk about their husbands going off to work to provide for the families."
This brought tears to my eyes, to realize that there are SAHPs who value their breadwinners so highly. To know that some SAHMs realize how hard it is to walk out that door every morning and put the family behind you as if they weren't the thing you love most in the world, for eight hours every single day - that is very precious, indeed. This may sound strange to you, but I have never heard this sentiment before - that a breadwinner is a hero. I have always heard about how wonderful SAHPs are, how much they do for so little recognition - and I have no doubt that, for most people, this is the society they live in.
But it's not the world I live in. And so, for me, it was a small tragedy when I read the next line, even understanding where it was coming from: "But it’s really bunk. Mothers are the real Heroes."
Of course, the author is, himself, a breadwinner. He probably feels confident that his work is important and necessary for his family. He blithely states later that men like going to work, and that is often true in a sense (for men and women) - yet I suspect that even parents who love their jobs would normally rather do them for, say, just ten hours a week. The other thirty hours or so, we'd rather be home with our families. Daily employment is a sacrifice, for any parent who has their priorities straight. Sardonic Catholic Dad, the author, does have his priorities straight BTW - he was just playing down his role, to lift up and glorify his wife. But his wife is also correct - he is a Hero, too.
Sardonic Catholic Dad is right to tell mothers and SAHPs "don’t feel to sorry for us or put us up on a pedestal". However, the truth is that being a parent requires hard work and sacrifice, regardless of what your role is in the family. Regardless of whether you stay home or work for pay, your spouse is a hero. Love him, honor him, and do something special for him (or her).
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Oopsie . . . haven't posted for a while.
I still haven't posted that I'm working again, and I'm already on Day 4 on the job! Well, here's what I've been doing since I found out - on Monday, 3/9/09, so less than 2 weeks ago - that I had a job:
I think that covers it. Either way, back to work. Lunch breaks are not eternal.
- Bought $400 worth of groceries, and spent most of 2 days making 20 pizzas and about a dozen other frozen meals so DH doesn't have to "cook" and can focus on childcare and studying for his Network+ certification (he's also responsible for dishes & laundry since those really need daily maintenance, at least unless we get more organized). We think we'll just have to buy milk for about the next 6 weeks.
- Had our car break down again - a coolent leak caused the serpentine to slip. Leak has been fixed, belt replaced. On credit. Le sigh.
- Worked out a budget. We're scraping by right now on my new income (as in, whether or not we have savings will depend on how much I lose in taxes up front . . . expenses may exceed income! Eep!) and have over $7K in credit card debt. Yes, I'm posting our financial details online. That debt is mitigated by almost $5K expected in unemployment backpay (expected about March 30th), so not as dire as it sounds.
- Working out how to trim the budget. This deserves its own post, and will get it. In fact, I've already written the post. And it's LONG.
- Figuring out a "homeschooling" plan. We ended up buying a curriculum that comes with a schedule. Yes, I know. We can't afford it - but I don't think we can afford not to, either. DH was struggling to spend time with the kids (mostly due to lack of ideas and time organization) before. Now, he is also studying for a certification. Since the option is available, he needs and deserves to be handed a schedule, so that he can just do what he needs to do and can focus on his studies and caring for our children, instead of spending time and stress on "home management" stuff like planning the girl's day. And I just don't have time to plan for him right now. Much easier to "homeschool" that time.
- Ignoring my homeschooling blog. That is going on total hiatus for about a month, then coming part-way up for two weeks before getting all the way up again. I still want to see if I can make any money with it (plus I love the community). If I can make *any* money with a homeschooling blog, that bodes well for more income-oriented blogs that would be more time-consuming and maybe require buying some materials or equipment.
- Creating a schedule for (and with) DH both to try and find a workable structure for his day, and to determine if watching the kids, studying for his certification, and doing some housework was reasonable, timewise (it is - childcare and housework should leave 5 1/2 hours for study and time to himself). Along with this is dividing up household responsibilities, so we can both get into a schedule and hopefully get onto autopilot.
- Mostly DH did this, actually, but we worked on getting the laundry closer to caught-up. We didn't succeed in totally catching up, but DH has *voluntarily* continued to organize, fold, and put away clothing since I've started work. Very inspiring, for me!
I think that covers it. Either way, back to work. Lunch breaks are not eternal.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wow, what a great recruiting company!
I just finished an interview with a great recruiter at Robert Half Technology, and WOW! I have never felt such an interest in my personal goals, qualifications, and talents while working with Volt. The Volt recruiter I am working with is definitely the best match I've had yet, but Robert Half is clearly taking a longer term approach to our relationship. And guess what? It works! I absolutely want to work with these people, especially my recruiter, and will prioritize their job requests over the ones I get from Volt.
And the specific position she has for me to interview for sounds like a great opportunity as well. Very excited am I!
Not that it takes much to get me excited. Even the automatically generated responses to online applications get my hopes up, LOL. And losing on an interview with Amazon made me cry for hours. Hey, I enjoy my emotional extremes! The occasional crying jag when things go wrong is totally worth it to feel elated over every small step in the right direction that came before - and all the ones that will come after. I guess I see life like I see marriage . . . when you commit to feeling joy over all the good things, you also accept that you might get hurt by the bad things as well.
And the specific position she has for me to interview for sounds like a great opportunity as well. Very excited am I!
Not that it takes much to get me excited. Even the automatically generated responses to online applications get my hopes up, LOL. And losing on an interview with Amazon made me cry for hours. Hey, I enjoy my emotional extremes! The occasional crying jag when things go wrong is totally worth it to feel elated over every small step in the right direction that came before - and all the ones that will come after. I guess I see life like I see marriage . . . when you commit to feeling joy over all the good things, you also accept that you might get hurt by the bad things as well.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
I've been fired
Yep, fired. Tuesday morning. I haven't gotten around to blogging since then. I need to hurry with this post - lots of work to do.
Tuesday was spent mostly reacting. I was okay for about four hours, which I spent thinking out the first couple of steps and working out our new 'normal' schedule: DH takes the kids out in the morning, and I work until around lunch. The kids come back, we eat, they take their nap. DH and I both work on finding jobs. Then I take the kids out when they wake up and he keeps working until we get back, dinner, and kids to bed.
Then I started getting weepy, and decided I could get started on the work 'tomorrow'. The rest of the day was spent trying not to let things spill over to the kids too much (who were definitely reacting to the stress), watching movies as a family, and calling a couple relatives to tell them.
Our planned schedule didn't work on Wednesday; we'd brought one of the kids' carseats in after she'd vomited, and after we'd cleaned the cover a cat peed on it. Bjorn spent the rest of the morning putting the cover through the wash and getting a special spray to dry while keeping the girls out of my hair.
This blog is going to get really boring for a while. I'm going to use it to measure my progress and keep on track, using the SCRUM questions: What have I done? What am I going to do today? What is blocking me?
So, for the first SCRUM entry:
What have I done:
- I called around about getting health coverage; I need to wait until the last 30 days show our lost income, and then apply to Apple Health, a website that should be able to work out all of the things that we will qualify for on our 'new' income.
- I also applied for unemployment.
- I found a career fair in Seattle in late January, and it's on our calendar.
- I found a couple of potential child-care resources so that Bjorn and I can both be looking for work at the same time on some days; we will be scheduling child-care swaps with some, others are family and glad to help.
What I am going to do today:
- Compile a list of job sites to search so I can keep notes on how effective they are
- Compile a list of possible opportunities to apply for - at least 15 options
- Apply to one opportunity with a polished resume and cover letter
- Apply to at least three opportunities with a quick-and-dirty application
- Start a list of opportunities for Bjorn, since I will probably also find things that he could do.
Blockers:
Nothing, really, except maybe lack of time if the kids come back too soon or don't nap well
I think Friday will be my "Fun work" day, when I focus on networking, reorganizing, brainstorming, maybe getting books from the library, and quick chores like cancelling appointments.
If anyone wants to help:
- If you know us - swap child-care with us. Best times for us to receive child-care are mornings. We will need to drop our kids at your house so we can work effectively. Best times for us to offer child-care is in the evenings. If you've been looking for a date night without babysitter costs, here is your chance. We can either have one of us come over to your house to babysit, or you can drop the kids off here.
- Pray for us. DH and I are both looking for work, so keep us both in your prayers.
- I'll get my resume up on the blog - probably tomorrow - and ask DH to let me post his as well. Let us know if you hear about anything that we might be able to do. I can do entry-level programming or software testing with about three years of experience; DH is looking for phone tech support positions primarily.
- Introduce us to people who work in our areas, if you know anyone, so that we can expand our networks.
Tuesday was spent mostly reacting. I was okay for about four hours, which I spent thinking out the first couple of steps and working out our new 'normal' schedule: DH takes the kids out in the morning, and I work until around lunch. The kids come back, we eat, they take their nap. DH and I both work on finding jobs. Then I take the kids out when they wake up and he keeps working until we get back, dinner, and kids to bed.
Then I started getting weepy, and decided I could get started on the work 'tomorrow'. The rest of the day was spent trying not to let things spill over to the kids too much (who were definitely reacting to the stress), watching movies as a family, and calling a couple relatives to tell them.
Our planned schedule didn't work on Wednesday; we'd brought one of the kids' carseats in after she'd vomited, and after we'd cleaned the cover a cat peed on it. Bjorn spent the rest of the morning putting the cover through the wash and getting a special spray to dry while keeping the girls out of my hair.
This blog is going to get really boring for a while. I'm going to use it to measure my progress and keep on track, using the SCRUM questions: What have I done? What am I going to do today? What is blocking me?
So, for the first SCRUM entry:
What have I done:
- I called around about getting health coverage; I need to wait until the last 30 days show our lost income, and then apply to Apple Health, a website that should be able to work out all of the things that we will qualify for on our 'new' income.
- I also applied for unemployment.
- I found a career fair in Seattle in late January, and it's on our calendar.
- I found a couple of potential child-care resources so that Bjorn and I can both be looking for work at the same time on some days; we will be scheduling child-care swaps with some, others are family and glad to help.
What I am going to do today:
- Compile a list of job sites to search so I can keep notes on how effective they are
- Compile a list of possible opportunities to apply for - at least 15 options
- Apply to one opportunity with a polished resume and cover letter
- Apply to at least three opportunities with a quick-and-dirty application
- Start a list of opportunities for Bjorn, since I will probably also find things that he could do.
Blockers:
Nothing, really, except maybe lack of time if the kids come back too soon or don't nap well
I think Friday will be my "Fun work" day, when I focus on networking, reorganizing, brainstorming, maybe getting books from the library, and quick chores like cancelling appointments.
If anyone wants to help:
- If you know us - swap child-care with us. Best times for us to receive child-care are mornings. We will need to drop our kids at your house so we can work effectively. Best times for us to offer child-care is in the evenings. If you've been looking for a date night without babysitter costs, here is your chance. We can either have one of us come over to your house to babysit, or you can drop the kids off here.
- Pray for us. DH and I are both looking for work, so keep us both in your prayers.
- I'll get my resume up on the blog - probably tomorrow - and ask DH to let me post his as well. Let us know if you hear about anything that we might be able to do. I can do entry-level programming or software testing with about three years of experience; DH is looking for phone tech support positions primarily.
- Introduce us to people who work in our areas, if you know anyone, so that we can expand our networks.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Snow day at work!
This is truly lovely.
Six inches of white, fluffy snow with more still falling. I'm at work right now and relaxing with a cup of coffee while my computer runs automation, after a surprisingly fast commute - given that there is much snow and ice on the roads.
Fortunately, there aren't many people stupid enough to drive on the roads today unless they have to. Those of us who are so stupid had to be careful of snow and ice, but if you are careful to drive in the emptier parts of the road then at least you don't really need to worry so much about other people (incidentally, my carpool driver referred to us both as "idiots" first, so he won't feel maligned by this statement). On 520, this lack of dense traffic was important - the snow was obscuring the lanes entirely. On one part of the road, two "lanes" had formed where there were normally three, and later there was just snow all over, and people just gave each other lots of room and didn't even try to stay in a "lane".
We saw an articulated bus whose rear had swung out and narrowly missed a guardrail, as well as a truck that spun out in the middle of the freeway and was perpendicular to the flow of traffic. However, because there were so few cars there, he didn't hit anyone and just slowed traffic down a bit. We saw several spinouts on the sides of the road - I was surprised that msot of the cars having trouble were the big ones, not little ones. We picked up some people who were walking down a freeway exit; we couldn't tell what had happened, since they had poor English, but I'm guessing that their carpool broke down or slid out.
I think I'm the only one here for my entire floor - possibly my entire building. The quiet is unnerving. The cafeteria is closed, but the coffee machines in the kitchenette work fine, as do the vending machines. I should be able to get a lot of work done today.
Six inches of white, fluffy snow with more still falling. I'm at work right now and relaxing with a cup of coffee while my computer runs automation, after a surprisingly fast commute - given that there is much snow and ice on the roads.
Fortunately, there aren't many people stupid enough to drive on the roads today unless they have to. Those of us who are so stupid had to be careful of snow and ice, but if you are careful to drive in the emptier parts of the road then at least you don't really need to worry so much about other people (incidentally, my carpool driver referred to us both as "idiots" first, so he won't feel maligned by this statement). On 520, this lack of dense traffic was important - the snow was obscuring the lanes entirely. On one part of the road, two "lanes" had formed where there were normally three, and later there was just snow all over, and people just gave each other lots of room and didn't even try to stay in a "lane".
We saw an articulated bus whose rear had swung out and narrowly missed a guardrail, as well as a truck that spun out in the middle of the freeway and was perpendicular to the flow of traffic. However, because there were so few cars there, he didn't hit anyone and just slowed traffic down a bit. We saw several spinouts on the sides of the road - I was surprised that msot of the cars having trouble were the big ones, not little ones. We picked up some people who were walking down a freeway exit; we couldn't tell what had happened, since they had poor English, but I'm guessing that their carpool broke down or slid out.
I think I'm the only one here for my entire floor - possibly my entire building. The quiet is unnerving. The cafeteria is closed, but the coffee machines in the kitchenette work fine, as do the vending machines. I should be able to get a lot of work done today.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Back to work
I'm back at work, and things seem to be going well. I think the big advantage of having time off from work ended up being space to get medical care. Apparently, my poor performance at work wasn't due just to stress. I was actually low on iron as well. I don't think I was anemic, but I was definitely close enough to be getting many symptoms - fatigue, dizziness, restless leg syndrome (which impacted sleep . . . which caused fatigue . . .), irritability, and depression. I am now taking 16 times the normal daily recommended iron in pill-form with vitamin C, and am doing much better.
Returning to work was a bit scary - but mostly because I wasn't sure I would be able to function better once I got back. In fact, the first day, last Friday, I didn't function well. I was almost falling asleep in meetings, exhausted by the time the day was over, and worried that I wasn't going to be healthy in time. Some dear friends were very nice to me when I stopped by after work, and I felt better in time to sleep well that night.
In retrospect, the issue was probably that I'd figured out I was supposed to be taking six pills of iron, and not just one a day, a mere two days or less ahead of time - and the iron simply hadn't built up yet. I was probably actually sicker than I was when I started leave (more on that later) when I started the supplements, near the end of leave. Over the weekend, I seem to have rebuilt up the critical amount of iron so I can function pretty well - I'm still getting tired and short dizzy spells in the evenings, but I'm enthused about work again.
So, why did I have iron deficiency? Often, this can be a sign of a much more serious issue - cancer, internal bleeding, and other yucky stuff. You will be happy to know that is probably NOT the case here. Most likely, I ran short because I donated blood, and apparently can't replenish my iron as quickly as many other people. I need to check with my doctor a bit more, and will badger him about further testing - but this explanation really fits the evidence. For example, things got a lot rougher after the move - and, looking back at email, I did donate blood about two or three weeks after the move. Before that, I remember getting despondent around December to January. I assumed that it was because covering for my teammates on vacation kept me from learning my own position and that was demoralizing, especially when the new person joined and I still didn't know what MY job was - but I actually also donated blood around late December, too.
And there's a big silver lining. DH and I are finally dealing with some major relationship issues that were unsurfaced by all of this. You know, the ones I've been blogging about? They weren't just products of my iron deficiency or bad mood, and they weren't my fault (although I certainly haven't been helping things get better lately, either).
So, looking at the results of being sick:
1) I came close to losing my job and lost some of my coworkers' confidence in me.
2) Our finances are really bad right now. We're scraping by for the next six weeks.
3) DH and I are finally working on a chronic problem in our relationship - in the past, the main person working on fixing things has been me. The chronic problem, of course, is that responsibility in our family hasn't been balanced appropriately. DH is finally taking on the main responsibility for working on this problem - and other responsibilities are shifting as well.
4) We got to see what happens when I can't function well, which clearly underscored the importance of #3. There really has been too much depending on me.
5) Following from #4, DH is seeing how important he is to our family from a new perspective: He is seeing how he can be strong when I am weak - and how critical it is that he volunteers to be strong. This next statement probably won't surprise anyone reading this blog - but dads / husbands matter! And not just as a paycheck or daily child care. Yet, I've been shocked by how many people are happy to give men a "pass" on participating fully beyond their basic 9-to-5 duties.
6) I now am healthy again, and have a better idea of what being healthy looks like. I think I might have been low on iron before and didn't recognize it, in retrospect. That probably won't happen again.
7) I am now better prepared to promote my expectations of my partner, and better able to trust in my ability to be reasonable. I spent a lot of time looking for outside confirmation that what I was asking from my husband was, in fact, reasonable. In retrospect, I know the answer: My expectations were not reasonable. I expected far too little, and the fact that DH was still struggling to meet those very low expectations was a symptom of a bigger issue and a sign that he needed some help from someone else.
8) I now know the value of considering the possibility that the other person is contributing to a problem as well, instead of assuming that if I do things differently or "get it right", I can make the problem will go away on my own. Recognizing other people's failings can be a good thing, if done with charity.
9) I got a month to spend with my family, with no parent working outside the home. "Some things, money can't buy." I'm saving my vacation time so we can do this again - have a long period of time, at home, just being together doing normal things.
A lengthy, wordy list (but hey, what did you expect from me?). The summary: Career and finances are in a bad position, but we're poised to make the most of it with flying colors. So things will probably continue to be annoying for a while longer as I repair my career and we get finances back on track. Then we'll probably regain our ground and have enough momentum to "get ahead", and then get enough wiggle room to make some changes and get a bit more "control" over our lives - although maybe "influence" is a better word; we never really get full control over anything in life. But we do get a lot of influence - if we keep our eyes open for it.
Returning to work was a bit scary - but mostly because I wasn't sure I would be able to function better once I got back. In fact, the first day, last Friday, I didn't function well. I was almost falling asleep in meetings, exhausted by the time the day was over, and worried that I wasn't going to be healthy in time. Some dear friends were very nice to me when I stopped by after work, and I felt better in time to sleep well that night.
In retrospect, the issue was probably that I'd figured out I was supposed to be taking six pills of iron, and not just one a day, a mere two days or less ahead of time - and the iron simply hadn't built up yet. I was probably actually sicker than I was when I started leave (more on that later) when I started the supplements, near the end of leave. Over the weekend, I seem to have rebuilt up the critical amount of iron so I can function pretty well - I'm still getting tired and short dizzy spells in the evenings, but I'm enthused about work again.
So, why did I have iron deficiency? Often, this can be a sign of a much more serious issue - cancer, internal bleeding, and other yucky stuff. You will be happy to know that is probably NOT the case here. Most likely, I ran short because I donated blood, and apparently can't replenish my iron as quickly as many other people. I need to check with my doctor a bit more, and will badger him about further testing - but this explanation really fits the evidence. For example, things got a lot rougher after the move - and, looking back at email, I did donate blood about two or three weeks after the move. Before that, I remember getting despondent around December to January. I assumed that it was because covering for my teammates on vacation kept me from learning my own position and that was demoralizing, especially when the new person joined and I still didn't know what MY job was - but I actually also donated blood around late December, too.
And there's a big silver lining. DH and I are finally dealing with some major relationship issues that were unsurfaced by all of this. You know, the ones I've been blogging about? They weren't just products of my iron deficiency or bad mood, and they weren't my fault (although I certainly haven't been helping things get better lately, either).
So, looking at the results of being sick:
1) I came close to losing my job and lost some of my coworkers' confidence in me.
2) Our finances are really bad right now. We're scraping by for the next six weeks.
3) DH and I are finally working on a chronic problem in our relationship - in the past, the main person working on fixing things has been me. The chronic problem, of course, is that responsibility in our family hasn't been balanced appropriately. DH is finally taking on the main responsibility for working on this problem - and other responsibilities are shifting as well.
4) We got to see what happens when I can't function well, which clearly underscored the importance of #3. There really has been too much depending on me.
5) Following from #4, DH is seeing how important he is to our family from a new perspective: He is seeing how he can be strong when I am weak - and how critical it is that he volunteers to be strong. This next statement probably won't surprise anyone reading this blog - but dads / husbands matter! And not just as a paycheck or daily child care. Yet, I've been shocked by how many people are happy to give men a "pass" on participating fully beyond their basic 9-to-5 duties.
6) I now am healthy again, and have a better idea of what being healthy looks like. I think I might have been low on iron before and didn't recognize it, in retrospect. That probably won't happen again.
7) I am now better prepared to promote my expectations of my partner, and better able to trust in my ability to be reasonable. I spent a lot of time looking for outside confirmation that what I was asking from my husband was, in fact, reasonable. In retrospect, I know the answer: My expectations were not reasonable. I expected far too little, and the fact that DH was still struggling to meet those very low expectations was a symptom of a bigger issue and a sign that he needed some help from someone else.
8) I now know the value of considering the possibility that the other person is contributing to a problem as well, instead of assuming that if I do things differently or "get it right", I can make the problem will go away on my own. Recognizing other people's failings can be a good thing, if done with charity.
9) I got a month to spend with my family, with no parent working outside the home. "Some things, money can't buy." I'm saving my vacation time so we can do this again - have a long period of time, at home, just being together doing normal things.
A lengthy, wordy list (but hey, what did you expect from me?). The summary: Career and finances are in a bad position, but we're poised to make the most of it with flying colors. So things will probably continue to be annoying for a while longer as I repair my career and we get finances back on track. Then we'll probably regain our ground and have enough momentum to "get ahead", and then get enough wiggle room to make some changes and get a bit more "control" over our lives - although maybe "influence" is a better word; we never really get full control over anything in life. But we do get a lot of influence - if we keep our eyes open for it.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Leave of absence from work
I'm going to be taking a leave of absence from work starting tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to do my job better after taking a break. And hopefully that will be enough to keep my job.
Going without an income is going to be a financial stretch. But this is a good job, and losing it will be a longer financial stretch - and finding a new job would be a huge mental hurdle right now. It's really hard to sell yourself when you feel like a loser *and* you just got laid off.
I've been trying to tell myself that it's okay to just enjoy the time off and not feel guilty or like a failure because "I ought to feel bad, it's my fault I need to take time off". I thought I was prepared to be positive - but then I go to blog about it, and I feel like I should be expressing remorse (yet another benefit of the blog - it uncovers bad mindsets I might not otherwise recognize until it was too late).
I can't really afford to take all the blame right now (even though it *is* all my fault, 'cuz I'm SuperWoman and should NEVER fail at anything! And should be completely independent of those around me and never need help or support!). I know it's irrational to think this is entirely my fault. The last thing I need is to get depressed right as I take time off of work, and spend 30 days wallowing in self-pity. I can be really good at wallowing . . . not exactly a skill that gets listed on my CV :-P
Going without an income is going to be a financial stretch. But this is a good job, and losing it will be a longer financial stretch - and finding a new job would be a huge mental hurdle right now. It's really hard to sell yourself when you feel like a loser *and* you just got laid off.
I've been trying to tell myself that it's okay to just enjoy the time off and not feel guilty or like a failure because "I ought to feel bad, it's my fault I need to take time off". I thought I was prepared to be positive - but then I go to blog about it, and I feel like I should be expressing remorse (yet another benefit of the blog - it uncovers bad mindsets I might not otherwise recognize until it was too late).
I can't really afford to take all the blame right now (even though it *is* all my fault, 'cuz I'm SuperWoman and should NEVER fail at anything! And should be completely independent of those around me and never need help or support!). I know it's irrational to think this is entirely my fault. The last thing I need is to get depressed right as I take time off of work, and spend 30 days wallowing in self-pity. I can be really good at wallowing . . . not exactly a skill that gets listed on my CV :-P
Monday, July 21, 2008
What kind of job I'm looking for
First, my background:
- I have a BS in Computer Engineering from the University of Washington, which is a pretty good school for CS (it's often ranked next after Berkeley - around the 5th / 6th best school in the country when I graduated).
- I have 6 months experience as a software development engineer intern.
- Since graduation, I have worked in the test discipline.
* Nine months as an Software Test Engineer contractor at Microsoft (MS) (working for Volt)
* One year as a Software Development Engineer in Test (SDET) contractor at MS (working for Volt)
* Eight months in current position as MS SDET in Internet Explorer
- I may be making a career switch to development - but need to conduct some informational interviews first to learn what QA outside of MS looks like.
I'll post a link to my resume once I get around to updating it.
So the first thing I actually need to do is to conduct informational interviews at various companies to see what their 1-2 years experience test development and entry-level software development work is like. I've heard that testing outside of MS is very different, and I'm not sure I'm interested in a test career outside of this company.
Right now, what I need most is contacts for informational interviews with software development professionals and software testing professionals in a variety of companies. I will not be looking for a job in these interviews - rather, I will be trying to decide what kind of company I am interested in working in, and whether I want to continue my career in software testing or make a career move to software development. If I spend time on unemployment, I will *need* to make contact on specific jobs, so I should use this time to figure out the big picture information I will need to make those contacts useful.
I am especially interested in companies that match any of the following points:
- Are in or very close to Everett
- Have great benefits, especially health benefits
- Are concerned with making the world a better place, either by directly working towards that goal (like Catholic Charities . . . but I don't think they're hiring for my role right now) or by taking steps to give as a company and encouraging giving and volunteering by their employees (MS does a great job with this)
- Are full of enthusiastic, active people who really love what they do
- Have room for flexible schedules for employees (like 7 to 4 schedules instead of 8 to 5, or "just get the work done and be here from 10 to 4" - like at MS)
I'm still working out what my needed and desired salaries are. I'd prefer full-time work with a great company, but contract work at a company that I *think* is great would be OK if I can find a good, small, personal contracting agency.
Yeesh. Re-reading this post is giving me the shakes. It's very real. The only thing I've been through in my life that had a similar emotional impact was finding out that we were expecting twins. Of course, my first reaction there was happiness - but then I started reading about the health risks and challenges, and I was really roller-coasting emotionally for a while, between excited anticipation and fear. Here, the first reaction was being upset - but the roller-coasting is pretty similar. As long as I keep pushing forward when I'm feeling optimistic, I should be able to coast through the down-periods and just focus on prayer until I'm ready to get back to work again.
I know other people who have been through similar problems before - so that's an advantage over the twin pregnancy. I can talk to friends who have been through this before. Obviously, it's not the end of the world. The really scary parts of job loss are fairly far down the road - a lot of things have to go wrong before we're really in trouble.
- I have a BS in Computer Engineering from the University of Washington, which is a pretty good school for CS (it's often ranked next after Berkeley - around the 5th / 6th best school in the country when I graduated).
- I have 6 months experience as a software development engineer intern.
- Since graduation, I have worked in the test discipline.
* Nine months as an Software Test Engineer contractor at Microsoft (MS) (working for Volt)
* One year as a Software Development Engineer in Test (SDET) contractor at MS (working for Volt)
* Eight months in current position as MS SDET in Internet Explorer
- I may be making a career switch to development - but need to conduct some informational interviews first to learn what QA outside of MS looks like.
I'll post a link to my resume once I get around to updating it.
So the first thing I actually need to do is to conduct informational interviews at various companies to see what their 1-2 years experience test development and entry-level software development work is like. I've heard that testing outside of MS is very different, and I'm not sure I'm interested in a test career outside of this company.
Right now, what I need most is contacts for informational interviews with software development professionals and software testing professionals in a variety of companies. I will not be looking for a job in these interviews - rather, I will be trying to decide what kind of company I am interested in working in, and whether I want to continue my career in software testing or make a career move to software development. If I spend time on unemployment, I will *need* to make contact on specific jobs, so I should use this time to figure out the big picture information I will need to make those contacts useful.
I am especially interested in companies that match any of the following points:
- Are in or very close to Everett
- Have great benefits, especially health benefits
- Are concerned with making the world a better place, either by directly working towards that goal (like Catholic Charities . . . but I don't think they're hiring for my role right now) or by taking steps to give as a company and encouraging giving and volunteering by their employees (MS does a great job with this)
- Are full of enthusiastic, active people who really love what they do
- Have room for flexible schedules for employees (like 7 to 4 schedules instead of 8 to 5, or "just get the work done and be here from 10 to 4" - like at MS)
I'm still working out what my needed and desired salaries are. I'd prefer full-time work with a great company, but contract work at a company that I *think* is great would be OK if I can find a good, small, personal contracting agency.
Yeesh. Re-reading this post is giving me the shakes. It's very real. The only thing I've been through in my life that had a similar emotional impact was finding out that we were expecting twins. Of course, my first reaction there was happiness - but then I started reading about the health risks and challenges, and I was really roller-coasting emotionally for a while, between excited anticipation and fear. Here, the first reaction was being upset - but the roller-coasting is pretty similar. As long as I keep pushing forward when I'm feeling optimistic, I should be able to coast through the down-periods and just focus on prayer until I'm ready to get back to work again.
I know other people who have been through similar problems before - so that's an advantage over the twin pregnancy. I can talk to friends who have been through this before. Obviously, it's not the end of the world. The really scary parts of job loss are fairly far down the road - a lot of things have to go wrong before we're really in trouble.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Prayers please
I have good reason to think that if I don't start doing better at work, I may lose my job, and I'm feeling very scared. I don't know if I can deal with yet another round of changes while I'm still feeling exhausted from moving and all the family stress. I don't have much optimism left right now. Logically, I know we'll get through this one way or another,that God is there - but emotionally, I'm just tired.
I'm hoping I can pull everything together enough to keep this job. I suspect I'll actually feel better once I get through the shock - although it shouldn't have been such a shock. I knew things were going badly. In a way, it's good to have my intuition confirmed.
I was hoping to have a little energy to start looking at the presidential candidates. Guess I'm not going to get that for a while.
I'm trying to pull myself together enough that I don't break into tears on the bus. I cry very easily, so that's going to be tough. I'm feeling a little bad about feeling so bad - a friend of a friend recently learned that she had cancer,then learned that it could be contained. I know people go through harder challenges, but I just wish I didn't feel so darned guilty for putting my family into *this* challenge.
I'm hoping I can pull everything together enough to keep this job. I suspect I'll actually feel better once I get through the shock - although it shouldn't have been such a shock. I knew things were going badly. In a way, it's good to have my intuition confirmed.
I was hoping to have a little energy to start looking at the presidential candidates. Guess I'm not going to get that for a while.
I'm trying to pull myself together enough that I don't break into tears on the bus. I cry very easily, so that's going to be tough. I'm feeling a little bad about feeling so bad - a friend of a friend recently learned that she had cancer,then learned that it could be contained. I know people go through harder challenges, but I just wish I didn't feel so darned guilty for putting my family into *this* challenge.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Getting organized
I'm starting to finally make progress on the pile of disorganization in my life!
I'm using a system called "Getting Things Done" (GTD), described in the book by the same name by David Allen. I like it because it gets to the heart of what I like about most organization systems, and because it works well with computerized tools.
What I like about the basic structure of organization - the list - is that it gets things off of my mind - but until I read GTD, I didn't realize that fact. What I normally don't like is that I don't follow up with my lists, because it's so hard to find the information I need without reading the whole list and sorting through it mentally. GTD has some ways to handle that. and with an online system like "Toodledo" to help, I'm now able to look at my to-do list and, at the top, always see the things that are most important to me right now. With computer features like filtering and sorting, GTD becomes very, very powerful.
For example: The main question I ask at work is, "What should I be doing right now?" I look at my GTD list, and filter by context (work), date (I don't want to see anything that can't be started until tomorrow), and actionability (I have items in my todo list that can't be started until something else is done, and they are labelled to reflect this). Once I have all the actionable items I can do today at work, I sort them by due date and priority (Toodledo rolls these together into one concept called "Importance", and so I just use that), and then by how long the work will take. I do the shortest tasks first, just to get them off of my mind.
The flip side is that I need to regularly add items into my list. I handle this by writing everything down in a notebook when I am away from my computer, and then adding it into my system once a day (I have a repeating top-priority todo for this that is automatically added every day for me by Toodledo). The final part I haven't done yet, but it is to go through the system once a week or so and make sure the list is in order - delete outdated items, readjust due dates, and generally clean house.
So far, this system looks good. Someday I'll read back on this post with 20/20 hindight, and know if it really worked for me or not - maybe I'll leave myself a comment?
Hrm, a benefit to the online diary: I can write notes on my entries when I look back at them from future years. That's a fun idea.
I'm using a system called "Getting Things Done" (GTD), described in the book by the same name by David Allen. I like it because it gets to the heart of what I like about most organization systems, and because it works well with computerized tools.
What I like about the basic structure of organization - the list - is that it gets things off of my mind - but until I read GTD, I didn't realize that fact. What I normally don't like is that I don't follow up with my lists, because it's so hard to find the information I need without reading the whole list and sorting through it mentally. GTD has some ways to handle that. and with an online system like "Toodledo" to help, I'm now able to look at my to-do list and, at the top, always see the things that are most important to me right now. With computer features like filtering and sorting, GTD becomes very, very powerful.
For example: The main question I ask at work is, "What should I be doing right now?" I look at my GTD list, and filter by context (work), date (I don't want to see anything that can't be started until tomorrow), and actionability (I have items in my todo list that can't be started until something else is done, and they are labelled to reflect this). Once I have all the actionable items I can do today at work, I sort them by due date and priority (Toodledo rolls these together into one concept called "Importance", and so I just use that), and then by how long the work will take. I do the shortest tasks first, just to get them off of my mind.
The flip side is that I need to regularly add items into my list. I handle this by writing everything down in a notebook when I am away from my computer, and then adding it into my system once a day (I have a repeating top-priority todo for this that is automatically added every day for me by Toodledo). The final part I haven't done yet, but it is to go through the system once a week or so and make sure the list is in order - delete outdated items, readjust due dates, and generally clean house.
So far, this system looks good. Someday I'll read back on this post with 20/20 hindight, and know if it really worked for me or not - maybe I'll leave myself a comment?
Hrm, a benefit to the online diary: I can write notes on my entries when I look back at them from future years. That's a fun idea.
Monday, July 7, 2008
I need to write more on WOHPs - what does a good WOHP look like?
This blog is starting to become the diary I've always wanted to keep, but never felt motivated enough to maintain. I love the perspective I get from the comments - not just support, but also subtle questioning about my thinking. Hence three entries today - I'm going through a shift in thought, and documenting it in my diary.
This post is my thoughts about how giving up on responsibility at home has a flip side - I need to start living up to and thinking about my responsibilities at work. Until this point, I've been stressed about home and family. It's more important to me, and what I really care about, so it's what I've been writing about. Home is still important to me, but I've made a decision to conciously spend less time on caring about it. A SAHP is someone you can trust with the things that are most important to you in the whole world, and that is what I am trying to do. I've given myself permission to be disappointed with my husband, and that seems to be important. But while I was focusing too much on things that aren't my job, my actual job has slipped badly. I need to spend some time being disappointed with myself :-) And think about how I can be supportive and encouraging for myself, too.
If this blog is going to be my diary, it's a great place to get myself back on track. A diary doesn't have to just reflect my state of mind - I can use my diary as a tool to actually change my state of mind. Right now, I want to be thinking more about work. When I think about home, I want to be thinking about how I can appreciate and support my spouse and love my children, not about how to fix problems. Why is fixing the operation of our home my responsibility? It's not.
When I think about work, I should be investing the same kind of passion and active involvement that I was putting into my home life. True, I care less about work than about home. Nonetheless, it's my job and it is important. The fact that my work is less important than caring for children and preparing them for the world is no excuse not to do my best. My job is a critical part of my husband's work, giving him the resources he needs to feed, clothe, and care for my children so he can focus on teaching them how to live and on making a home out of our house. So expect more posts on my efforts to be a better employee as a WOHM who can (hopefully) rely on a SAHD, and fewer posts about how to get a reverse-traditional home to function.
While writing this, I had an interesting twist in my thought direction. Because of my desire to encourage and motivate DH, I've been thinking a lot about how important SAHPs are, and how difficult their jobs really are. I need to look at the other side for a bit, now. I want to keep talking about how cool the things DH does are, but I also want to start looking at the WOHP role in our home and in general, and I want to get a better understanding of it. I hear so much about WOHPs who treat their spouses like slaves and never do anything to help out, who are condescending and unfair. But what does a good WOHP look like? What do they do - and what do they not need to worry about, because they are entrusting it to the SAHP?
While writing this, it just hit me that I have very few models for this. I've never really lived in a home with a WOHP (Work Outside the Home Parent) who relied on a SAHP. No wonder I've been getting overinvolved. I really wonder what SAHPs expect from WOHPs. I don't want to be a female version of that wretched, crude, unappreciative WOHD figure at one extreme, but I also don't want to be living like a single mom - trying to "do it all" - either. Yes, I've asked DH for his take on what I should be doing and shouldn't be doing - but he doesn't have a good answer, and I suspect he doesn't really know either. He has said that he doesn't think I should be responsible for any of the work around the house, but I really don't think he should be expecting to do it all without help.
Hrm . . . maybe I should ask for a little help from those who read this blog? In your family, what are the responsibilities of the WOHP? What do you think WOHPs, in general, need to do better? What does a great WOHP look like? Feel free to use WOHD or SAHM (the normal gendered Dad / Mom versions of WOHP, SAHP) or whatever terms work for you - I'm not hung up on being PC.
This post is my thoughts about how giving up on responsibility at home has a flip side - I need to start living up to and thinking about my responsibilities at work. Until this point, I've been stressed about home and family. It's more important to me, and what I really care about, so it's what I've been writing about. Home is still important to me, but I've made a decision to conciously spend less time on caring about it. A SAHP is someone you can trust with the things that are most important to you in the whole world, and that is what I am trying to do. I've given myself permission to be disappointed with my husband, and that seems to be important. But while I was focusing too much on things that aren't my job, my actual job has slipped badly. I need to spend some time being disappointed with myself :-) And think about how I can be supportive and encouraging for myself, too.
If this blog is going to be my diary, it's a great place to get myself back on track. A diary doesn't have to just reflect my state of mind - I can use my diary as a tool to actually change my state of mind. Right now, I want to be thinking more about work. When I think about home, I want to be thinking about how I can appreciate and support my spouse and love my children, not about how to fix problems. Why is fixing the operation of our home my responsibility? It's not.
When I think about work, I should be investing the same kind of passion and active involvement that I was putting into my home life. True, I care less about work than about home. Nonetheless, it's my job and it is important. The fact that my work is less important than caring for children and preparing them for the world is no excuse not to do my best. My job is a critical part of my husband's work, giving him the resources he needs to feed, clothe, and care for my children so he can focus on teaching them how to live and on making a home out of our house. So expect more posts on my efforts to be a better employee as a WOHM who can (hopefully) rely on a SAHD, and fewer posts about how to get a reverse-traditional home to function.
While writing this, I had an interesting twist in my thought direction. Because of my desire to encourage and motivate DH, I've been thinking a lot about how important SAHPs are, and how difficult their jobs really are. I need to look at the other side for a bit, now. I want to keep talking about how cool the things DH does are, but I also want to start looking at the WOHP role in our home and in general, and I want to get a better understanding of it. I hear so much about WOHPs who treat their spouses like slaves and never do anything to help out, who are condescending and unfair. But what does a good WOHP look like? What do they do - and what do they not need to worry about, because they are entrusting it to the SAHP?
While writing this, it just hit me that I have very few models for this. I've never really lived in a home with a WOHP (Work Outside the Home Parent) who relied on a SAHP. No wonder I've been getting overinvolved. I really wonder what SAHPs expect from WOHPs. I don't want to be a female version of that wretched, crude, unappreciative WOHD figure at one extreme, but I also don't want to be living like a single mom - trying to "do it all" - either. Yes, I've asked DH for his take on what I should be doing and shouldn't be doing - but he doesn't have a good answer, and I suspect he doesn't really know either. He has said that he doesn't think I should be responsible for any of the work around the house, but I really don't think he should be expecting to do it all without help.
Hrm . . . maybe I should ask for a little help from those who read this blog? In your family, what are the responsibilities of the WOHP? What do you think WOHPs, in general, need to do better? What does a great WOHP look like? Feel free to use WOHD or SAHM (the normal gendered Dad / Mom versions of WOHP, SAHP) or whatever terms work for you - I'm not hung up on being PC.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Response to Linda Hirschman
This is an email I wrote in response to this article by Linda Hirschman.
What I like:
- [I fel the s]ame as [another wife of a SAHD]about the glass ceiling at home, although I haven’t been taking this for granted :-) but there’s been a lot of resistance when I ask for help in getting through it. This is the negative attitude that has been chaffing me so much, I think – the social reinforcement of that glass ceiling, even from those who should be most interested in breaking through it.
- Hirschman’s really trying to change things. That’s good. And she’s thinking outside the box. We need new thoughts on feminism.
- Hirschman focuses on how the path to being shouldered out starts early – college choices, marriage choices, etc. My husband made all the choices made by the young women she describes, for different reasons, but with the same results (but like many of these women, he’s happy with that).
What I don’t like:
- She dismisses the idea that women generally have authentically different values than men as conservative brainwashing, and then dismisses any woman who has those different values or believes women are fundamentally different as being brainwashed / socially pressured.
- She measures women according to traditional measures for men, and dismisses traditional measures for women as being without value. I think this is tragic - we need to apply traditional measures for women more broadly, to men *and* women, not throw them out – just as we applied more broadly the traditional measures for men when women entered the workplace (showing we valued men’s goals and ambitions).
- She has a very dismal (and in my experience, inaccurate) view of staying home. Maybe she doesn’t enjoy changing diapers, but my work as a SAHP was the most challenging, engaging work I’ve ever done. And I do have a challenging, engaging job, too – something many women don’t have.
- I find her description of SAHP work as being “lower caste” insulting to my husband, who does it, and even more insulting to me, because I asked him to do it (I am not an oppressor!). If we don’t value SAHP’s work, then the problem is in our values – not the work. And Linda Hirschman exemplifies these demeaning values, the real problem.
- She is insulting a large group of women, who would rather stay home, and makes no attempt to understand them. She simply dismisses them as a lesser group of people, unworthy of full consideration.
- She implies that there must be equal numbers of women in the work force working equal hours for feminism to succeed. Even if this is actually not what most women want.
- I don’t like her claim that women should only have one baby. This will distance her from any woman who wants two children more than she wants a career, and encourage “opting out” by implying that the two goals – multiple kids and career – are incompatible.
What I felt was missing:
- Debate about if career being equal to power and status is a good thing, something bad that can be changed, or something bad that cannot be changed. She seems to just accept that it IS.
- Mention of the wrong done to men because they are incapable. I know many men who are interested in staying home, but don’t see it happening because most women are more capable at home and their wife will already stay home to recover from birth and initiate breastfeeding.
- The obvious (albeit long-term) solution: Teach our boys to do housework. Make them as capable as our women. Give them the opportunities (and responsibilities) that we have.
- Discussion of the power or influence that women (and men) can wield inside the home, even to show that it is less than the power and influence of the workplace. She only points out the negatives.
- Discussion of social changes (like flexible workplaces, childcare subsidies) that could help. For someone complaining about how women lack power, she is slow to suggest working for broad change.
I think this premise is strongly applied, but poorly supported: “. . . what they do is bad for them, is certainly bad for society . . .” And this line, several paragraphs later, is ironic: “Good psychological data show that the more women are treated with respect, the more ambition they have”. It makes me want to yell at her, “Geesh, Linda! Then RESPECT women already, all of them! Don’t limit your respect to just those women who believe as you do and hold your values.”
I think Linda Hirschman needs to look at the group MomsRising, which is a way SAHMs can have political power – working moms too, but since many events are during the day, their ability to help is limited. I think she needs to think outside the cubicle to see how SAHMs (and SAHDs) can influence the world around them in ways working parents just . . . can’t, or not as well.
Other thoughts, from my experience:
I actually did “marry down” – not exactly intentionally, but it happened because I didn’t care about “marrying up” and, since I knew I could breadwin, I was more interested in a good father than a breadwinner. Which is exactly what I got I’d like to know how many other SAHD wives *did* marry down, intentionally or otherwise. I get the impression that the man’s lower income is often a significant factor in him staying home instead of the wife. I rarely hear of a situation where the man was equally capable of bringing in a high income and still opted out (although it’s out there).
Also, I actually do want to opt out, and am making plans to do so despite being the sole income. I want to cut back to part-time and live on ½ income for our entire family in ten years (the earliest I think we can afford it). DH and I are really excited about this plan – part-time at 35, retired at 55. I think there are a lot of families where both parents would rather stay home than work, but creating a family where both parents are primarily homemakers / parents is tough and unconventional. However, if we can pull it off it will be really, really cool. And we can have a big family Something I’ve always wanted.
I wonder what Linda Hirschman would think of our “half-income family” plans. A step in the right direction, because it’s more equal and challenges common assumptions about gender? Or a step back, because another woman is opting out?
What I like:
- [I fel the s]ame as [another wife of a SAHD]about the glass ceiling at home, although I haven’t been taking this for granted :-) but there’s been a lot of resistance when I ask for help in getting through it. This is the negative attitude that has been chaffing me so much, I think – the social reinforcement of that glass ceiling, even from those who should be most interested in breaking through it.
- Hirschman’s really trying to change things. That’s good. And she’s thinking outside the box. We need new thoughts on feminism.
- Hirschman focuses on how the path to being shouldered out starts early – college choices, marriage choices, etc. My husband made all the choices made by the young women she describes, for different reasons, but with the same results (but like many of these women, he’s happy with that).
What I don’t like:
- She dismisses the idea that women generally have authentically different values than men as conservative brainwashing, and then dismisses any woman who has those different values or believes women are fundamentally different as being brainwashed / socially pressured.
- She measures women according to traditional measures for men, and dismisses traditional measures for women as being without value. I think this is tragic - we need to apply traditional measures for women more broadly, to men *and* women, not throw them out – just as we applied more broadly the traditional measures for men when women entered the workplace (showing we valued men’s goals and ambitions).
- She has a very dismal (and in my experience, inaccurate) view of staying home. Maybe she doesn’t enjoy changing diapers, but my work as a SAHP was the most challenging, engaging work I’ve ever done. And I do have a challenging, engaging job, too – something many women don’t have.
- I find her description of SAHP work as being “lower caste” insulting to my husband, who does it, and even more insulting to me, because I asked him to do it (I am not an oppressor!). If we don’t value SAHP’s work, then the problem is in our values – not the work. And Linda Hirschman exemplifies these demeaning values, the real problem.
- She is insulting a large group of women, who would rather stay home, and makes no attempt to understand them. She simply dismisses them as a lesser group of people, unworthy of full consideration.
- She implies that there must be equal numbers of women in the work force working equal hours for feminism to succeed. Even if this is actually not what most women want.
- I don’t like her claim that women should only have one baby. This will distance her from any woman who wants two children more than she wants a career, and encourage “opting out” by implying that the two goals – multiple kids and career – are incompatible.
What I felt was missing:
- Debate about if career being equal to power and status is a good thing, something bad that can be changed, or something bad that cannot be changed. She seems to just accept that it IS.
- Mention of the wrong done to men because they are incapable. I know many men who are interested in staying home, but don’t see it happening because most women are more capable at home and their wife will already stay home to recover from birth and initiate breastfeeding.
- The obvious (albeit long-term) solution: Teach our boys to do housework. Make them as capable as our women. Give them the opportunities (and responsibilities) that we have.
- Discussion of the power or influence that women (and men) can wield inside the home, even to show that it is less than the power and influence of the workplace. She only points out the negatives.
- Discussion of social changes (like flexible workplaces, childcare subsidies) that could help. For someone complaining about how women lack power, she is slow to suggest working for broad change.
I think this premise is strongly applied, but poorly supported: “. . . what they do is bad for them, is certainly bad for society . . .” And this line, several paragraphs later, is ironic: “Good psychological data show that the more women are treated with respect, the more ambition they have”. It makes me want to yell at her, “Geesh, Linda! Then RESPECT women already, all of them! Don’t limit your respect to just those women who believe as you do and hold your values.”
I think Linda Hirschman needs to look at the group MomsRising, which is a way SAHMs can have political power – working moms too, but since many events are during the day, their ability to help is limited. I think she needs to think outside the cubicle to see how SAHMs (and SAHDs) can influence the world around them in ways working parents just . . . can’t, or not as well.
Other thoughts, from my experience:
I actually did “marry down” – not exactly intentionally, but it happened because I didn’t care about “marrying up” and, since I knew I could breadwin, I was more interested in a good father than a breadwinner. Which is exactly what I got I’d like to know how many other SAHD wives *did* marry down, intentionally or otherwise. I get the impression that the man’s lower income is often a significant factor in him staying home instead of the wife. I rarely hear of a situation where the man was equally capable of bringing in a high income and still opted out (although it’s out there).
Also, I actually do want to opt out, and am making plans to do so despite being the sole income. I want to cut back to part-time and live on ½ income for our entire family in ten years (the earliest I think we can afford it). DH and I are really excited about this plan – part-time at 35, retired at 55. I think there are a lot of families where both parents would rather stay home than work, but creating a family where both parents are primarily homemakers / parents is tough and unconventional. However, if we can pull it off it will be really, really cool. And we can have a big family Something I’ve always wanted.
I wonder what Linda Hirschman would think of our “half-income family” plans. A step in the right direction, because it’s more equal and challenges common assumptions about gender? Or a step back, because another woman is opting out?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
My team (at work) rocks
http://gizmodo.com/5017416/microsoft-mistakes-browser-war-for-browser-party-sends-firefox-a-lovely-cake
Hee! For those who don't know, I'm on the Internet Explorer Test team. No, I didn't know about this cake - but it's uber awesome and fun.
Hee! For those who don't know, I'm on the Internet Explorer Test team. No, I didn't know about this cake - but it's uber awesome and fun.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I am a "family man"? or, The search for labels that I like
For some reason, stepping outside of the normal roles for men and women by becoming a "reverse-traditional family" has made me crave definition. I think it is the fear that people will assume I am a "career woman", putting the "fulfillment" and "stimulation" of the adult workplace before my family - with the implication that I don't find my family to be important, fulfilling, or stimulating.
This probably sounds a bit silly, but having a label helps me work out the appropriate expectations for me to have of myself. I am very used to being the main person doing the housework, since during the early relationship and before I went back to work after the girls were born I did a great deal of the homemaking. I can easily start to feel responsible for too much, and start trying to control things that are now in my husband's sphere of life. Labels give me stereotypes that I can use for role models.
I finally realized what kind of label feels right. I want a female version of "family man". You know, the guy who has a steady, stable job and gets promotions - but never at the expense of his family. He's there for his kids' birthdays, he picks up the groceries and runs errands on his way home from work, and he helps out around the house. Of course, I am not identical to this old, comfy stereotypical man. When at home, I mother - my parenting has a distinctly female style to it. I also do "woman's work" at home - I cook meals rather than do repairs, and fold laundry.
Whatever I am, I absolutely am not a stereotyped career woman, although I am a woman with a career. I will probably get raises and climb the career ladder and be proud of what I do at work - I might as well enjoy myself, since I am stuck there for at least 40 hours a week either way. But ultimately, my job is an extension of my work as a parent.
Whew. I needed to get that out there. Now I've stated my position clearly, and I can quit feeling defensive. LOL, it should be so easy!
Oh, right, we moved into our first owned home. Well, we own it - but we also own a 30 year mortgage that comes with it. I should mention that. And probably blog about it. But that's old news, we moved on Monday the 17th.
This probably sounds a bit silly, but having a label helps me work out the appropriate expectations for me to have of myself. I am very used to being the main person doing the housework, since during the early relationship and before I went back to work after the girls were born I did a great deal of the homemaking. I can easily start to feel responsible for too much, and start trying to control things that are now in my husband's sphere of life. Labels give me stereotypes that I can use for role models.
I finally realized what kind of label feels right. I want a female version of "family man". You know, the guy who has a steady, stable job and gets promotions - but never at the expense of his family. He's there for his kids' birthdays, he picks up the groceries and runs errands on his way home from work, and he helps out around the house. Of course, I am not identical to this old, comfy stereotypical man. When at home, I mother - my parenting has a distinctly female style to it. I also do "woman's work" at home - I cook meals rather than do repairs, and fold laundry.
Whatever I am, I absolutely am not a stereotyped career woman, although I am a woman with a career. I will probably get raises and climb the career ladder and be proud of what I do at work - I might as well enjoy myself, since I am stuck there for at least 40 hours a week either way. But ultimately, my job is an extension of my work as a parent.
Whew. I needed to get that out there. Now I've stated my position clearly, and I can quit feeling defensive. LOL, it should be so easy!
Oh, right, we moved into our first owned home. Well, we own it - but we also own a 30 year mortgage that comes with it. I should mention that. And probably blog about it. But that's old news, we moved on Monday the 17th.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Still overwhelmed . . . and I hate parties.
I don't seem to have the drive for consistent blogging, but I guess that's not a big deal. I always half expected by blog to be more of a personal journal than anything. I just don't have the energy to try and coax people to read my words.
Right now, I am depressed. And for one of the silliest reasons in the world, too: I just went to a party. My team just shipped Beta 1 of Internet Explorer 8, and so today was a day of celebration.
I thought I'd gotten over that "alone in a crowd" feeling back in high school or maybe as late as college. Nope. It's still there. Fortunately, I'm now smart enough to just go take a break rather than try and tough it out, but I'm still feeling very depressed after an afternoon of good (free!) food, socialization, playing Rock Band, and getting free drinks (both alcoholic and caffeinated). Each activity was enjoyable in and of itself, but altogether something was just overwhelming for me.
What a silly disabilty to have. Party-fun challenged. Erg, needs a better name. Maybe I'll grab a thesaurus and make something up later.
Right now, I am depressed. And for one of the silliest reasons in the world, too: I just went to a party. My team just shipped Beta 1 of Internet Explorer 8, and so today was a day of celebration.
I thought I'd gotten over that "alone in a crowd" feeling back in high school or maybe as late as college. Nope. It's still there. Fortunately, I'm now smart enough to just go take a break rather than try and tough it out, but I'm still feeling very depressed after an afternoon of good (free!) food, socialization, playing Rock Band, and getting free drinks (both alcoholic and caffeinated). Each activity was enjoyable in and of itself, but altogether something was just overwhelming for me.
What a silly disabilty to have. Party-fun challenged. Erg, needs a better name. Maybe I'll grab a thesaurus and make something up later.
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