Well! Another day, another new skill for the girls. This one, however, is not a new word in the vocabulary or a new trick on the playground toys. No, this is one of those milestones parents dread.
Lenora has learned to turn doorknobs. That's right: She now possesses the ability to let herself out of her bedroom. We can only hope she will use this power for good. Snd be too tired to get out of her room at night, given the recent middle-of-the-night "Mommy" screamfests - have I mentioned here yet how, two nights before Halloween, she spent three and a half hours straight (no exaggeration) screaming for her mommy? And even DH going in five or so times to calm her down and get her to sleep again didn't help a bit? Oh yes . . . here in the Ellison household, we live in interesting times.
Tonight, however, is a welcome break from the norm. The girls went to bed without any trouble, probably because DH and I have gotten back "in tune" with each other over the last few days. And I am rather gleeful to have DH out of the house, visiting his friends for a birthday party. I mean, come on, it's probably been years since the last time we had an evening apart from each other. I certainly don't want this to happen all of the time, but there are also tons of things I've been wanting to do that have been getting put off so that we could spend quality time together. Also, the cause is noble: One of his good friends that he's known for years but hasn't seen much lately is celebrating a birthday, and I would love to see DH maintain his relationships with that circle of friends.
Of course, there is the potential for chaos to ensue while he is out; Iliana is sick (Lenora was sick last Wednesday, rather spectacularly, while we had friends over, and these girls are great about sharing), so there is the off-chance of a huge mess being made in the middle of the night. But, hey! I managed nights alone back when DH worked late, when both girls were infants and were spitting up or vomitting on a nightly basis. At worse, it'll be just like the good ol' days.
So unless that happens, I am going to indulge in a treat I rarely have the time or energy to enjoy anymore: Housework!
(Oh, how my views have changed since becoming a WOHM! But now I dream of clean laundry and counters . . . and tonight, dreams will come true!)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
We need a right to not murder
I think we need a new right in this country: The right for no person to engage in an act that they reasonably perceive as directly contributing to the death of an innocent human being. Therefore, no doctor could ever be legally required to enact an abortion or prescribe euthenasia medication. No pharmicist could ever be legally required to fill a prescription for abortive medication or legal suicide medication. An argument could be made about whether paying taxes for these purposes is "directly contributing" to these acts, and that would need to be resolved. Birth control (the Pill, specifically) would also be an edge case; I believe medical science defines the start of life as implantation, not conception, but I believe that the numbers of people who believe life begins at conception is enough to clearly demonstrate that concerns about the Pill being an abortifacient fit the "reasonable concern" clause.
This could prevent hundreds of potential horrific human rights abuses involving the deaths of innocent people. Many of the worst-case abuses that pro-life people fear could be mitigated with this clause, as those who don't want to participate in these horrors will have legal grounds to oppose them, at least through non-participation. And don't humans at least have the right to avoid directly participating in the murders of innocent humans?
This could prevent hundreds of potential horrific human rights abuses involving the deaths of innocent people. Many of the worst-case abuses that pro-life people fear could be mitigated with this clause, as those who don't want to participate in these horrors will have legal grounds to oppose them, at least through non-participation. And don't humans at least have the right to avoid directly participating in the murders of innocent humans?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
A quick thought on the FOCA
This post is, by no means, intended to share much of my opinion on abortion. I hope that those who know me IRL have no question as to what my beliefs are: Abortion is killing innocent humans; the only reason I distinguish between it and murder is that I think most women who choose abortion have been misled to believe that the lives they end are not yet human; I believe murder requires intent to unjustly kill.
But I didn't intend to write about my understanding of abortion in this post. I just wanted to point out a couple of lines from the FOCA:
The Freedom of Choice Act
(3) VIABILITY- The term `viability' means that stage of pregnancy when, in the best medical judgment of the attending physician based on the particular medical facts of the case before the physician, there is a reasonable likelihood of the sustained survival of the fetus outside of the woman.
...
(b) Prohibition of Interference- A government may not--
(1) deny or interfere with a woman's right to choose--
. . .
(B) to terminate a pregnancy prior to viability; or
(C) to terminate a pregnancy after viability where termination is necessary to protect the life or health of the woman; . . .
Although I still don't like the FOCA, I am glad to see that it does not confirm a woman's right to a late-term abortion (barring the gigantic loophole of part (c)).
Comments on actions we can take to prevent the FOCA would be appreciated. I was shocked that I-1000 passed. I suspect that it is too late, that the FOCA will pass anyways, but will pray for it to somehow fail. I think people fail to realize that the FOCA (and all laws allowing abortion) are essentially declaring that an entire group of humans beings will be denied their most basic right, their right to life. We simply have not done due diligence here; we have not justified this step down the slippery slope.
However, I think that even if the FOCA does pass, abortions will still drop. I think that 40 DFL and other movements are changing our culture, and that will be far more effective than legal changes in the medium term. Take my words with a grain of salt; I am an optimist, and see hope everywhere. But the FOCA cannot halt the very real change in people's hearts (nor can it halt the information from scientist's research) that is seeing evidence of human life and being starting at conception.
But I didn't intend to write about my understanding of abortion in this post. I just wanted to point out a couple of lines from the FOCA:
The Freedom of Choice Act
(3) VIABILITY- The term `viability' means that stage of pregnancy when, in the best medical judgment of the attending physician based on the particular medical facts of the case before the physician, there is a reasonable likelihood of the sustained survival of the fetus outside of the woman.
...
(b) Prohibition of Interference- A government may not--
(1) deny or interfere with a woman's right to choose--
. . .
(B) to terminate a pregnancy prior to viability; or
(C) to terminate a pregnancy after viability where termination is necessary to protect the life or health of the woman; . . .
Although I still don't like the FOCA, I am glad to see that it does not confirm a woman's right to a late-term abortion (barring the gigantic loophole of part (c)).
Comments on actions we can take to prevent the FOCA would be appreciated. I was shocked that I-1000 passed. I suspect that it is too late, that the FOCA will pass anyways, but will pray for it to somehow fail. I think people fail to realize that the FOCA (and all laws allowing abortion) are essentially declaring that an entire group of humans beings will be denied their most basic right, their right to life. We simply have not done due diligence here; we have not justified this step down the slippery slope.
However, I think that even if the FOCA does pass, abortions will still drop. I think that 40 DFL and other movements are changing our culture, and that will be far more effective than legal changes in the medium term. Take my words with a grain of salt; I am an optimist, and see hope everywhere. But the FOCA cannot halt the very real change in people's hearts (nor can it halt the information from scientist's research) that is seeing evidence of human life and being starting at conception.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
"Please don't lick the sidewalk"
I was praying outside an abortion facility the other day with a friend, and Iliana tagged along (which deserves a post of its own). My little girl was (of course) a little bored, just hanging out while the big folks prayed (and chatted a bit, too). The title of this post is one of the amusing things that came out of my mouth. Other gems included:
"Don't drink water off of the street! Ewww!"
"Please don't lick the pole."
"Please don't walk on the umbrella. It's not ours."
Overall, she was actually very well behaved (I don't say 'please' when I get frustrated). Still, when she gets bored she backslides into the "oral" phase again, and everything goes into the mouth. Especially puddles. What is with this fascination with drinking from strange things, like gutters and bathtubs?
Lenora, on the other hand, was left at home for the day. *She* has been deciding not to sleep lately.
Last Thursday, Lenora was awake from 3:30 AM until 7:00 AM yelling for Mommy. Daddy went in multiple times to help her to bed, and each time she cheered up and happily went to bed and got kisses. Within five seconds of him leaving each time, she was back at the door yelling and fussing for me. I'm lying in bed, knowing I'll be exhausted at work the next day and thinking, "If she is this stubborn at 2 1/2, she'll have no problems resisting peer pressure when she's a teen."
Well, fortunately DH (Dear Husband) and I both have strong stubborn streaks as well, and we had no problem outlasting her . . . kind of. If you look at things right. Well, no, actually, we caved in. *Ahem*. See, since Lenora is allowed to get up at 7:00 AM, I went in then and talked her back into bed. Once she got what she wanted, she went back to sleep. Naturally, Iliana slept through the whole thing. It's probably the soundest sleeping I've ever seen her do. Hrmm . . . that makes me think - maybe Iliana would sleep better ALL the time if we played a recording of a screaming child at night?
I probably shouldn't try it. If we do that too much, the neighbors might call the cops.
Thursday night went fine (thank you, O Lord, for a good night's sleep to rest between our parently trials) and Lenora woke up much less sleepy on Friday, in time for Halloween. We went trick-or-treating at Microsoft and in our neighborhood, with the girls dressed as fairies and joined by a friend and her four children.
By the end of the night's excitement, the girls were covered in stickiness; I wanted to wash my hands every time I came in contact with them. Iliana, in particular, was sticky. This may have had something to do with her sucking on two lollipops at once, and then rubbing them all over her face just for the fun of the gloriously sticky messiness of it all.
My husband, in his great wisdom, ordered the girls to the bathtub shortly before we got home.
That night, Lenora screamed until after midnight. And again, I caved before she did. I really hope she doesn't ever give us the silent treatment when she gets older. If she does, it could be years before we hear her voice again. I can see the diagnosis now: "PVM, Parental Vicinity Muteness, caused by acute stubborness."
She did nap while Iliana and I were out, and now seems to be returning to a less stubborn pattern of sleep. That is to say, she has been keeping the screaming down to less than an hour before naps and bedtime and we have high hopes of her returning to her previously normal pattern of going to sleep happily after a small bribe of kisses and hugs. Please, don't anyone tell her we enjoy the kisses more than she does! She still seems to think she's coming out ahead with this deal.
"Don't drink water off of the street! Ewww!"
"Please don't lick the pole."
"Please don't walk on the umbrella. It's not ours."
Overall, she was actually very well behaved (I don't say 'please' when I get frustrated). Still, when she gets bored she backslides into the "oral" phase again, and everything goes into the mouth. Especially puddles. What is with this fascination with drinking from strange things, like gutters and bathtubs?
Lenora, on the other hand, was left at home for the day. *She* has been deciding not to sleep lately.
Last Thursday, Lenora was awake from 3:30 AM until 7:00 AM yelling for Mommy. Daddy went in multiple times to help her to bed, and each time she cheered up and happily went to bed and got kisses. Within five seconds of him leaving each time, she was back at the door yelling and fussing for me. I'm lying in bed, knowing I'll be exhausted at work the next day and thinking, "If she is this stubborn at 2 1/2, she'll have no problems resisting peer pressure when she's a teen."
Well, fortunately DH (Dear Husband) and I both have strong stubborn streaks as well, and we had no problem outlasting her . . . kind of. If you look at things right. Well, no, actually, we caved in. *Ahem*. See, since Lenora is allowed to get up at 7:00 AM, I went in then and talked her back into bed. Once she got what she wanted, she went back to sleep. Naturally, Iliana slept through the whole thing. It's probably the soundest sleeping I've ever seen her do. Hrmm . . . that makes me think - maybe Iliana would sleep better ALL the time if we played a recording of a screaming child at night?
I probably shouldn't try it. If we do that too much, the neighbors might call the cops.
Thursday night went fine (thank you, O Lord, for a good night's sleep to rest between our parently trials) and Lenora woke up much less sleepy on Friday, in time for Halloween. We went trick-or-treating at Microsoft and in our neighborhood, with the girls dressed as fairies and joined by a friend and her four children.
By the end of the night's excitement, the girls were covered in stickiness; I wanted to wash my hands every time I came in contact with them. Iliana, in particular, was sticky. This may have had something to do with her sucking on two lollipops at once, and then rubbing them all over her face just for the fun of the gloriously sticky messiness of it all.
My husband, in his great wisdom, ordered the girls to the bathtub shortly before we got home.
That night, Lenora screamed until after midnight. And again, I caved before she did. I really hope she doesn't ever give us the silent treatment when she gets older. If she does, it could be years before we hear her voice again. I can see the diagnosis now: "PVM, Parental Vicinity Muteness, caused by acute stubborness."
She did nap while Iliana and I were out, and now seems to be returning to a less stubborn pattern of sleep. That is to say, she has been keeping the screaming down to less than an hour before naps and bedtime and we have high hopes of her returning to her previously normal pattern of going to sleep happily after a small bribe of kisses and hugs. Please, don't anyone tell her we enjoy the kisses more than she does! She still seems to think she's coming out ahead with this deal.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
This is a good approach to the environment issues
I love No Impact Man. He's a REAL open-minded liberal. As in, he works to engage people from all parts of the spectrum to support his cause.
More importantly, he thinks in a manner that feels, to me, very Catholic (although I doubt he is even a Christian). He believes strongly in stewardship of environmental resources, in loving our neighbors as ourselves, in forgiveness, and in striving for a greater good. And he believes in working together to achieve this with those who may believe differently in other areas, for the greater good.
He writes this excellent post on what he calls "environmental effectiveness". Basically, this is the idea that we want to get the most good for the least resources. Well-used resources which make people happy and fill their lives with opportunity are "environmentally effective". The beauty of this concept is that it captures many of the issues with environmentalism in a way that "sustainability" does not. It emphasizes the importance of human quality of life in a way that the environmental movement tends to gloss over. How many times have we heard the banal, despairing statement that the Earth would be better off without humanity? And how many times have we felt horror that someone should have such disregard for the virtues of their own species, horror that someone should be so willing to disregard OUR personal value, in favor of animals and pristine vistas? More specifically, in favor of animals unloved by humans and vistas unseen by humans? Humanity does believe, in general, that we are better and different than animals. Environmentalism needs to (and ought to) work with that belief.
Here is the link: http://www.worldchanging.com/archives/008905.html
More importantly, he thinks in a manner that feels, to me, very Catholic (although I doubt he is even a Christian). He believes strongly in stewardship of environmental resources, in loving our neighbors as ourselves, in forgiveness, and in striving for a greater good. And he believes in working together to achieve this with those who may believe differently in other areas, for the greater good.
He writes this excellent post on what he calls "environmental effectiveness". Basically, this is the idea that we want to get the most good for the least resources. Well-used resources which make people happy and fill their lives with opportunity are "environmentally effective". The beauty of this concept is that it captures many of the issues with environmentalism in a way that "sustainability" does not. It emphasizes the importance of human quality of life in a way that the environmental movement tends to gloss over. How many times have we heard the banal, despairing statement that the Earth would be better off without humanity? And how many times have we felt horror that someone should have such disregard for the virtues of their own species, horror that someone should be so willing to disregard OUR personal value, in favor of animals and pristine vistas? More specifically, in favor of animals unloved by humans and vistas unseen by humans? Humanity does believe, in general, that we are better and different than animals. Environmentalism needs to (and ought to) work with that belief.
Here is the link: http://www.worldchanging.com/archives/008905.html
Monday, October 27, 2008
Building a foundation
Lately, I've been passing up a number of opportunities to help out others around me. I've intentionally been limiting how much effort I will put into anything above and beyond my most basic roles: Mother, wife, employee. The result is a very insular way of living that isn't returning into the world the gifts that God gives our family. Yet I think it is what God needs me to do right now. While I want to construct a life that will praise God as beautifully as any church, I need to start with a foundation: A family that can bear the weight of God's Will for its members.
This foundation needs to involve the entire family; I cannot create it on my own. I lack a certain level of control or independence in my life. I cannot do anything or give anything without my family also doing or giving. Even something as simple as cooking a meal for a friend who is going through a busy period requires a gift from my family. If I cook when the children are awake, my husband must watch the children with less help from me for a little longer. If I cook when they are asleep, it takes from the time my husband and I spend together as a couple, watching TV or playing video games. My husband didn't sign up for a wife who is never available to share his passion because she wants so much to fit in with her friends, and this may be part of our problems lately.
Part of me is embarressed that I'm choosing playing video games with my husband over helping a friend, but on closer examination I realize it's actually a very shallow embarressment. My situation isn't the same as the other women, where the homemaker of the family is the one drawing the family into their community, and I shouldn't be measuring myself against them. A large part of what is going on in my head is a less-shallow version of keeping up with the Jones'. The big difference is that I'm trying to keep up in an area of real value, the area of helping my friends, rather than in the area of "fancy car" or "nice house" - but otherwise, the situation is very similar. Following the caring example of a friend out of love is good; feeling guilty because I am not as helpful as my friends is honestly a little silly.
My friends already have foundations, at least for this part of their houses, and they are able to meet the needs of their community without me. Right now, I need to give my family the things they need to feel comfortable signing up, as a family, for this kind of simple ministry and making it part of our family's work. In this, I really miss the short stint I spent as a homemaker. During the time when my husband was at work, I had complete leadership over the family. I could do as I saw fit, provided I was fulfilling my responsibilities to my children. I no longer experience that sort of leadership of our family, and I find I really miss it.
This foundation needs to involve the entire family; I cannot create it on my own. I lack a certain level of control or independence in my life. I cannot do anything or give anything without my family also doing or giving. Even something as simple as cooking a meal for a friend who is going through a busy period requires a gift from my family. If I cook when the children are awake, my husband must watch the children with less help from me for a little longer. If I cook when they are asleep, it takes from the time my husband and I spend together as a couple, watching TV or playing video games. My husband didn't sign up for a wife who is never available to share his passion because she wants so much to fit in with her friends, and this may be part of our problems lately.
Part of me is embarressed that I'm choosing playing video games with my husband over helping a friend, but on closer examination I realize it's actually a very shallow embarressment. My situation isn't the same as the other women, where the homemaker of the family is the one drawing the family into their community, and I shouldn't be measuring myself against them. A large part of what is going on in my head is a less-shallow version of keeping up with the Jones'. The big difference is that I'm trying to keep up in an area of real value, the area of helping my friends, rather than in the area of "fancy car" or "nice house" - but otherwise, the situation is very similar. Following the caring example of a friend out of love is good; feeling guilty because I am not as helpful as my friends is honestly a little silly.
My friends already have foundations, at least for this part of their houses, and they are able to meet the needs of their community without me. Right now, I need to give my family the things they need to feel comfortable signing up, as a family, for this kind of simple ministry and making it part of our family's work. In this, I really miss the short stint I spent as a homemaker. During the time when my husband was at work, I had complete leadership over the family. I could do as I saw fit, provided I was fulfilling my responsibilities to my children. I no longer experience that sort of leadership of our family, and I find I really miss it.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
No, really, I still exist
I haven't posted for a long time. I also have been withdrawn from friends, family, and so on for a while. After all the craziness around my taking leave, I suppose it makes sense that a few people are getting worried.
So, some reassurance. I've been absent mainly because I'm focusing on just the couple of things that really matter, and trying to get a solid foundation under our family. We've missed a number of social / prayer events lately due to normal illnesses that run around in the fall plus the girls giving up naps but still really needing them. We're trying a new schedule at home, and it doesn't leave me much time to make phone calls. And I'm not going out of my way to get involved with the opportunities around me to help others until we figure out what is going on with DH so that he and I can sit down and talk about how much involvement he can encourage, and at what part me giving my time becomes a burden to him.
On the DH-and-I front, I really think counseling is getting somewhere since we switched counselors. We've had three sessions with each counselor, and I felt like we didn't get anywhere at all with the first. In contrast, this counselor has covered the main path that our conversations for the past year have been meandering along, and by the third session we were discussing new things that have barely been touched on.
Even better, DH has scheduled an appointment to be evaluated for depression. I know that it really helped me to work with professionals to figure out if I had a problem - and I was really happy (albeit embarressed) to learn that I did, and that there was an easy fix. I think DH is starting to see that he is probably in a similar situation, and that the family needs him to be healthy and active. Just realizing that he probably isn't healthy seems to have helped a lot. I can understand why; "I have a medical issue" inspires a lot less guilty than "I am lazy" (or, in my case, "I am a bad wife"). I really hope we get a useful diagnosis; I can't believe that my husband is healthy right now. He's definitely getting closer, and I can see him trying - which is a huge step in and of itself. But I would really like to have back the man who supported me and his children in so many ways right after he became a father.
And for myself, being healthy again is wonderful. I can still tell when I miss my iron pills, but I can now miss a single dose without feeling the effects. It's not until I miss two doses that I really feel yucky. I'm not intentionally missing doses, mind you; I just have to pay attention more now that I don't start feeling yucky prompty around the time I was supposed to take some more medicine. Of course, I'll feel better once I get over this cold; I guess I'm not really all *that* healthy right now. Meh, whatever; overall, I'm doing better.
So, some reassurance. I've been absent mainly because I'm focusing on just the couple of things that really matter, and trying to get a solid foundation under our family. We've missed a number of social / prayer events lately due to normal illnesses that run around in the fall plus the girls giving up naps but still really needing them. We're trying a new schedule at home, and it doesn't leave me much time to make phone calls. And I'm not going out of my way to get involved with the opportunities around me to help others until we figure out what is going on with DH so that he and I can sit down and talk about how much involvement he can encourage, and at what part me giving my time becomes a burden to him.
On the DH-and-I front, I really think counseling is getting somewhere since we switched counselors. We've had three sessions with each counselor, and I felt like we didn't get anywhere at all with the first. In contrast, this counselor has covered the main path that our conversations for the past year have been meandering along, and by the third session we were discussing new things that have barely been touched on.
Even better, DH has scheduled an appointment to be evaluated for depression. I know that it really helped me to work with professionals to figure out if I had a problem - and I was really happy (albeit embarressed) to learn that I did, and that there was an easy fix. I think DH is starting to see that he is probably in a similar situation, and that the family needs him to be healthy and active. Just realizing that he probably isn't healthy seems to have helped a lot. I can understand why; "I have a medical issue" inspires a lot less guilty than "I am lazy" (or, in my case, "I am a bad wife"). I really hope we get a useful diagnosis; I can't believe that my husband is healthy right now. He's definitely getting closer, and I can see him trying - which is a huge step in and of itself. But I would really like to have back the man who supported me and his children in so many ways right after he became a father.
And for myself, being healthy again is wonderful. I can still tell when I miss my iron pills, but I can now miss a single dose without feeling the effects. It's not until I miss two doses that I really feel yucky. I'm not intentionally missing doses, mind you; I just have to pay attention more now that I don't start feeling yucky prompty around the time I was supposed to take some more medicine. Of course, I'll feel better once I get over this cold; I guess I'm not really all *that* healthy right now. Meh, whatever; overall, I'm doing better.
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